#I plan to post more during that period as well but we'll see

[a-s-levynn]

Tiny Token 3rd set

[woosh-floosh-art]

Bits and Pieces: 2024

Went through all my 2024 files and here's all the stuff I didn't post!

Dragon Quest slimes... The idea was to do a slime gacha of some sort but... there's so many slimes man I can't draw them all.

Teeny Sanguini variations. The idea was to make a keychain of each teeny sanguini variation but.. that would cost a lot of money and I don't even know how well does keychains would sell. Maybe people just want basic teeny sanguini and I'm wasting my money buying other keychains.. Oh well. The basic teeny sanguini keychain I ordered has sold well, we'll have to see if I decide to order one of the variations.

Various Ouioui's. I think the goal was to eventually draw them all? I just needed something simple but with some room for experimentation to draw everyday. Early 2024 was a rough time for me.

Fan Ouioui design. This one is good. I would imagine the body of the thing would be a scrunchie so you can put it in your hair or on your wrist.

CMY(K) and spring dango themed galumpin dops.

PEARL DRONE!! The goal was to make stickers, that didn't happen lol. Still cute though...

Various little doodles I thought were cute. Badniks, two headed minecraft calf sticker concept (I didn't think it was very clear in it's design..), kirby :D, alien cow, and a true fact about aphids.

SA2 animal sticker gacha. Like I said, in early 2024 I was really looking for something simple and repetitive to draw with just enough variation to keep things interesting. Like the slimes and the ouiouis this one fizzled out. There was just TOO much variation. I ended up doing all of those gyroids which was perfect for the time and also sold really well as stickers! I also did all those damn kirby stickers which did NOT sell as well.

Okay enough about the grief and depression, let's talk about SONIC OCS!! I really loved the periodical cicada emergence this year so I wanted to make a sonic oc based on them. Her wings are crumpled (like many cicadas I saw this year, unfortunately her and the other cicadas will never fly) but she was some wisp powered roller blades to let her zoom around! I used to do a lot of character design as a teen but now I struggle with it. But I don't think this is that bad of a design? It's fun, she's fun.

Every year for artfight people make new characters based on the theme, and this year I wanted to try as well! He's supposed to be an anthropomorphic ray, a prince that must set out on an adventure! The eyebrow design is cuter but I think the widows peak design better conveys that he is supposed to be a ray. Bottom right is my favorite but I would switch the cutlass for the rapier. It's just a bit more of a princely sword.

Blue eyed cicada sticker concept. During the cicada emergence this year someone found a blue eyed cicada!! This is the mock up if I made stickers of that. I didn't because I was soooo sick of handcutting those damn cicadas, they were not easy to cut. Also they did not sell very well. We need more cicada fans in this world...

Lastly... two pages to a comic I never finished. It was supposed to be the prologue to my oc story but... it's a little scary making comics about original characters! There's a lot more to think about and manage over doing fan comics. I would still like to return to my little world and characters but I just haven't been in the mood for it. Ironically there was only one page left in the prologue but it's been so long I don't think I'm going to finish it!

Also, to try and combat the anxiety that comes with making an original story I didn't plan the layouts at all?? I guess to make the process faster and not worry as much?? The thumbnails in my sketchbook are just loose unconnected panels next to the script. That is not how I typically plan comics... and for good reason! Looks at the paneling in page two! It's bad! It's really bad!! When I come back to my characters I going to have to swallow my fear and put some more time and care into the layouts.

Okay that's all for 2024! I have a couple more things to post from December and then that's a wrap on 2024! Thanks for reading! ^_^

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 11

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep12)

Ahhh, once again I didn't manage to publish this before the new (and final, this time 😭) episode. I was busy studying with my Thai language study buddy (that is I was asking him a million questions about the vocabulary in this episode) (at this point he's actually kinda invested in the show from what I've told him about it and from the scenes I've shown him lmao) and I was also busy hanging out with my other Thai friend who basically only speaks Thai. Oh and then I also got my period and I was so sleepy, I could barely form a coherent thought. Whoops. But hey, better late then never. I'd also love to drop the ep12 meta next Wednesday since there will be no new episode, but there is no way I'll make it. Once I post this post here I'd only have about two days to write the ep12 meta and that's simply just not enough time considering how long these metas have gotten. Oh well. Enough with the rambling.

ENJOY <3

(This one's at 19.7k words, btw. Counting only the meta part without the introduction. Including the introduction it's at just over 20k. Didn't I say I'd hit 20k by the finale? lmao)

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: Last episode, the hitman brothers found out some truths about Lilly. Their normie-boyfriends finally got to help them on their mission. Another truth bomb was dropped onto Fadel, shattering him. And Style was there right next to him, picking up the pieces.

No. 1: More Meetings and More Plans

Our foursome gathers to exchange Keen's boyfriend for dirt on Lilly. Since this is mostly between the brothers, both Style and Kant take a step back during the exchange. Style watches attentively, his expression serious. That is, until Keen finally has his boyfriend back and Style watches them hug.

He is very clearly touched and I absolutely adore that we get to see this little private moment of Style being happy for them. Because he did tell us (or rather told Fadel) in episode 8:

I'm a romantic person. กูมันเป็นคนโรแมนติก [guu - man - bpen - kon roh-maen-dtìk] I - [marker] - be - romantic person Official subs: I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm easily tricked by touching things. โดนหลอกด้วยอะไรซึ้งๆง่าย [dohn lòhk - dûuay - à-rai - séung séung - ngâai] be tricked, deceived - by, through - something - touching - easy Official subs: Can't help it that love stories touch me.

Style just loves love. And I just love how consistent his characterization has stayed about this. Style even comments on the fact that he was touched: "I almost shed tears seeing how much they love each other." Fadel replies "I'd have done the same thing for you" and Style looks at him fondly.

Then, Kant brings the conversation back to the Lilly thing and with that Style goes back to serious mode. Kant doesn't want Bison to kill Lilly and suggests he'll talk to Captain Christ in case there's a way. Style pulls Fadel towards him and assures him determinedly that "We'll do anything to keep you out of jail". Style's face is full of concern as he says this. Style is so earnest in his promise, he really means it from the bottom of his heart. He already hated the idea of Fadel going to jail all throughout episode 6, and now it's becoming a potential reality again. A reality that Style desperately doesn't want to face. And if we're being real, Fadel going to jail is something that Style has dreaded since episode 5 already:

Kant sighs and says he wants to end things quickly and then foretells what their happy ending is going to be: "Once those two get arrested, we walk free." But Style stares gloomily into the air and gives a near invisible head shake, almost as if he disagrees with Kant's words, as if to say But that's not what MY happy ending looks like.

(Quoted from my ep5 meta.)

Fadel steps closer to hug Style in response to his promise. Kant sends Style an almost questioning nod over Bison's shoulder, as if to ask whether Style is going to help him with Captain Christ. Style nods firmly in return. Of course he is.

Now allow me to skip the scene in which Style and Kant make their deal with Captain Christ. I didn't find it all that interesting to look at and also, I need that section cover pic gone in favor or more gifs lmao. Both Style and Kant are very self-assured when they talk to Captain Christ. They are confident that their plan is going to work, that's the main take-away.

No. 2: Future Old Man Yaoi

Style excitedly introduces Fadel to his friend and announces that his friend can do fake passports and stuff. Fadel nods a polite nod and smiles a polite smile, but looks otherwise very unconvinced. Style makes a confused face about it while Fadel pulls him aside. You can literally see the silent of question of What's wrong, why are you looking like that? in Style's eyes.

Fadel asks what Style is doing. "Making you a fake passport, duh. In case you need to run." This seemed pretty self-explanatory to Style, but apparently it wasn't. Fadel asks "Didn't you say Kant made a deal with that captain?" and Style says he doesn't trust Captain Christ. And this is interesting, because in episode 8 Fadel actually chided Style for trusting people too easily. But not Captain Christ. Style doesn't trust Captain Christ a single bit. Only a moment ago he confidently told Captain Christ "Promise is a promise", but in reality Style isn't confident at all that Captain Christ will actually keep his promise. Or rather, Style is confident that Captain Christ will, in fact, break it. "Cops are always looking for ways to up their ranks, right?" Style really said ACAB, huh?

Fadel still doesn't see the point of the fake passport. "Where do you think I'll go with a fake passport?" Style comes back with an entire multi-step plan. And that's yet another interesting thing about this scene: it's as if their personalities suddenly switched. The person who plans every single detail of their life suddenly doesn't have a plan, while the person who mostly runs on impulse and instinct and who tends to just go with the flow has it all planned out. Because it's that important to Style. Fadel's well-being and Fadel's freedom is that important to Style. And because that way, he'll still get to be with Fadel, will get to be right next to him. Fadel won't be taken away from him and locked away in a place Style can't easily reach. And that matters to Style so much that he now sits down and starts making plans. Back in episode 2 Style said "When you know you meet the right one, you do whatever it takes to get them" and now here Style is, doing whatever it takes to keep his right one right by his side.

But Fadel still finds something to bitch about: "It takes 20 years for these cases to expire. We'll be old men by that time." But Style doesn't see the problem. "So what if we're old? I'll still wanna be with you." And again, Style is so earnest when he says he wants to be with Fadel. Of course Style wants to be with Fadel even when and until they are old men. Of course the future Style pictures for himself still has Fadel in it. It's the most self-evident thing in the world, absolutely zero discussion needed.

Fadel stares at Style. It finally really hits Fadel what and why Style is doing all this for. He takes Style's hand and says: "Thank you for doing all this for me. I don't think I love myself half as much as you love me." This meta series is about Style, but let me just share the Thai wording here, because it has me a little insane:

I guess I don't yet love myself as much as you love me. กูยังไม่รักตัวเองเท่าที่มึงรักกูเลยมั้ง [guu - yang - mâi - rák - dtuua eng - tâo tîi - mueng - rák - guu - loiie - máng] I - yet - not - love - myself - as much as - you - love - me - [particle] - maybe

Fadel says he doesn't love himself yet. Not yet!! Right now he doesn't yet love himself, but he will in the future!! Fadel is trying, you guys!! Style's love makes him want to love himself and Style is showing him exactly how to do it. Because loving Fadel really is the easiest thing in the world for Style, no matter how difficult to love Fadel thinks he is.

Style lifts his other hand to grab Fadel's hand holding his. "Trust me on this. Just get this done. We don't know what could happen." Style is so very concerned about Fadel and the situation and he's just trying to be prepared for anything that they might be up against. Because there is no way Style will give up Fadel and their relationship without a fight. Because he couldn't bare to lose Fadel. Style already hated that thought all the way back in episode 5, and now, after everything they've been through, he hates that thought even more. The thought of not being with Fadel really stresses him out. And so Style starts making plans. Style adds that he'll get Bison a fake passport, too. Fadel nods and swallows and then asks if Style's friend is trustworthy. Style is absolutely sure of it and Fadel huffs, and then, after another moment, finally agrees to do the fake passport. For Style.

No. 3: Birthday Surprises

Last episode Lilly hired Kant for that rich lady's birthday party and Style got himself hired too. And I just love the difference between Kant and Style: Kant is clearly uncomfortable with the ladies throwing themselves at him, meanwhile Style is thriving. After all, making friends with as well as charming older women is Style's specialty. Whether it's the lady at the market, the lady at the motel or these ladies right here at this party, Style's got them all wrapped around his finger. He really is absolutely perfect for this job.

At some point Kant sends Style to get Lilly more wine and we watch as Style spikes the drink. With that, our poisoning quartet is complete — we have now seen all four main character's spike someone's drink. Lilly takes a sip of it and shortly afterwards Kant reveals her secret. She runs off to the bathroom. Style and Kant happily raise their glasses towards each other in a silent toast. Success.

That happiness doesn't last for very long, though, because minutes later they both run into the bathroom to stop their boyfriends from committing yet another murder. "You promised me. You promised you won't kill anyone again." Fun fact, Style phrases it a little more like a question in Thai:

You promised me, didn't you? That you won't kill anyone again. มึงสัญญากับกูแล้วไม่ใช่หรอ ว่าจะไม่ฆ่าใครอีกอ่ะ [mueng - săn-yaa - gàp - guu - láew - mâi châi - rŏr • wâa - jà - mâi - kâa - krai - ìik - àh] you - promise - with - me - already - no - ? • that - will - not - kill - anyone - again - [particle]

It's on Fadel now how he's gonna answer that question. Kant says his own bit to get Bison to lower his gun and then it's Style's turn. "Fadel. I want a future with you." And again, let me just...

I still want a future with you. กูยัง��ยากมีอนาคตกับมึงนะเว้ย [guu - yang - yàak - mii - à-naa-kót - gàp - mueng - ná wóiie] I - still - want - have - future - with - you - [particle]

Style still wants a future with Fadel. But he can't have that future if Fadel makes certain choices. Style won't get that future. If Fadel makes the choice of shooting Lilly now, then he might be denying Style the future that Style so desperately wants. A future with Fadel. A future that Style still wants to have, a future that Style hasn't given up on yet. "Just forget the past," Style asks of Fadel. After a long moment of hesitation and contemplation, Fadel finally puts the gun down, tears still streaming down his face. Kant tells them "You two should go. We'll deal with things here." Style looks at Fadel and in a gentle, but serious voice says: "Don’t worry. We'll see each other again." Fadel sniffs and hands Style his gun. That's an 8 on the Style + gun counter. I really do think the writers are just mocking me now. Style didn't shoot anyone this episode and I just really can't see him shoot anyone in the finale either. Especially now that Keen is dealt with and Lilly is also out of the way. And the episode preview also didn't have the vibe for a shooting. All those references to Style and shooting guns were really just there to drive me personally up the wall, huh? Well, at least it's been keeping me entertained over the past few weeks.

Also, while I'm already off on a tangent, I also just wanna share @nabi-unveiled's thoughts real quick, because they are absolutely beautiful and I cry:

So Kant took Bison's gun, but Fadel gave Style his. While Bison says he wants out of the hitman life, he's so explosive that the only way out is for someone to force him and help take his gun. For Fadel, no one could take it from him unless he chose to give it up. He's willingly giving it up for Style. Style isn't forcing his hand. It's Fadel choosing to place his life in Style's hands.

Fadel places his life in Style's hands leaves Style with the gun, telling him to be careful. What really bothers me about this translation, though, is that together with the action of Fadel handing over the gun this phrasing makes it sound like Fadel is speaking a warning along the lines of be careful with the gun, it's dangerous, don't hurt yourself with it, when really he's saying goodbye:

Take care of yourself. ดูแลตัวเองนะ [duu-lae - dtuua eng - ná] take care - yourself - [na]

Fadel uses the word ดูแล [duu-lae] here, which means "to take care" or "to look after". If he had meant to say "be careful" in the sense of "watch out for danger" then he would have been using the word ระวัง [rá-wang] instead, which means "to be careful" or "to watch out" or "to be cautious".

The brothers walk out of the bathroom. Style and Kant stay back to deal with Lilly.

No. 4: Surrender

Once Style and Kant have dealt with Lilly, they meet their boyfriends at Kant's car to send them off. Style hands Fadel the fake passports and once again emphasizes that the brothers shouldn't contact them and should wait for Style and Kant to follow them instead. Kant also exchanges a few words with Bison who worries about Kant and Style's safety. Kant says "We should focus on making sure you two are safe" and Fadel turns to Style and urgently tells him: "Style. Listen to me. If they torture you for information, don't put up with it. Just confess." He ends with: "Don't you dare get hurt, you hear me?" Now let me talk about the Thai line for a second:

Absolutely do not let yourself get hurt, okay? อย่ายอมเจ็บตัวเด็ดขาดโอเคป่ะ [yàa - yohm - jèp dtuua - dèt kàat - okay - bpà] don't - agree, let - hurt yourself, get hurt - absolutely - okay - ?

Fadel uses the word ยอม [yohm] here which the dictionary thai2english defines as:

[to] agree; consent; let (usually against one's wishes)

And to me that sounds like Fadel is telling him don't consent to them hurting you, don't consent to torture. The official subs are a little vague here, the "don't get hurt" can be taken as a general warning as well. Of course from the context you can infer that this is about the police torturing Style, but in the original wording Fadel is very explicit about the fact that the "don't get hurt" part refers to the police (or anyone else who wants to hurt Style to get to Fadel) and he specifically instructs Style not to willingly take on the pain and consent to receiving injuries just to keep Fadel safe.

But that goes against everything who Style is as a person. There is absolutely no way he is gonna betray his loved ones even if it kills him. It's ride or die for him. But Fadel hates the thought of Style dying. "Style, I'm being serious. They really could kill you." But Style is also serious about not betraying Fadel. "You don't have to worry. I have a knack for surviving." Fadel lets it go, semi-reassured. By now he knows better than to argue with Style. Style will out-stubborn him, if Style is set on something.

Fadel goes on to say a few words of thanks to Kant, too. Afterwards, Fadel looks to Style again who throws him a very warm, reassuring look. It'll be fine, everything will be fine. As usual, Style remains hopeful and optimistic.

Kant says the brothers should get going and our couples go in for a goodbye hug which barely even lasts a second before Captain Christ shows up to crash the party.

And like last episode, chatty cat Style stays completely silent. Kant does all the talking this time. I think Style isn't as terrified this time around as he was last episode in the hotel room, and this time around he's not terrified especially for his life, but he's definitely very concerned and even more worried about the hitman brothers' freedom. I think Style also keeps quiet, because Kant has much more of a relationship with Captain Christ than Style does and he trusts Kant to be able to solve this mess. Kant is trying his best to negotiate with Captain Christ, even downright blackmails him. But Captain Christ insists that he can't let the brothers walk free. When he offers to reduce the brother's sentence down to five years, the brothers surrender. Bison explains that he's tired of running and that five years in prison is preferable to spending your whole life running away, because "If it has to be like that, I'll never get to really live." And now Style just has to speak up after all, because he really doesn't trust those cops: "Hey. You don't know if these cops will keep their word. What'd you do if the final sentence is death?"

To make this line hit harder, as @secriden pointed out in this post: The death penalty is still a thing in Thailand. I also went ahead and looked up some info on it:

Under the Penal Code alone, the death sentence can be applied to 35 crimes, ranging from offences against the King, treason, murder, rape in which the victim is killed and arson, to robbery which results in death. [...] According to the Thai Penal Code, prisoners who receive the death sentence can appeal for a royal pardon. The appeal must be made within 60 days of the verdict. Each prisoner can appeal only once. If the pardon is granted, execution will be commuted to life imprisonment. It is never known in advance when a death warrant is to be issued, and executions are performed only once in a while. Usually a death warrant arrives in the morning and the execution takes place in the evening of the same day. Before the day of execution, the police will take fingerprints from the prisoner to compare them to those in the prisoner's file to ensure that the wrong person is not executed. (source)

Murder is amongst the crimes one can be sentenced to death for, a crime that the brothers have carried out repeatedly. According to Wikipedia, executions are something that are carried out only sporadically these days, but it is still a very real possibility that Fadel and Bison could be facing. And it's an outcome Style would rather not see happening. Kant agrees and asks Captain Christ "How can I trust you?" to which Captain Christ claims "I never go back on my word." Uh-huh. Sure. Nevertheless, Kant lets the decision up to the brothers. Style doesn't say anything either. There's not much to be done in this situation right now. Kant manages to bargain another 24 hours of freedom. The cops leave and this time the clock of their last day together starts ticking for real. And unlike in episode 6, this time everyone involved is aware of it, too.

No. 5: Comfort

Fadel and Style have ended up sitting outside Style's garage. Style, our usual optimistic ball of sunshine is staring gloomily into the air. This is the exact outcome that he's been dreading the most (save for maybe Fadel's actual death). Style is still holding it together fairly well, but he's struggling to stay positive about this. Fadel tries to cheer him up. "You did your best." But Style's best wasn't enough. He'll still be separated from Fadel. All his efforts were for nothing. Fadel will be taken away from him once their 24 hours are up and there's absolutely nothing Style can do about it to change that now. "If I found out earlier, you wouldn't have to go to jail." Style's voice sounds miserable and it's yet another sign of how upset he really is inside. Fadel can tell that for once Style can't see the bright side of things and tries to reassure him with even more urgency that this outcome isn't as bad as it seems. In fact, this is one of the two endings he'd been prepared for: jail or death. And going to jail on account of murder for only five years is as good of an ending as it gets. But Style, beacon of hope and optimism, still can't see the bright side, because even if Fadel will be okay (and most importantly: alive), it doesn't change the fact that Fadel will be ripped away from him and that he won't get to stay right by Fadel's side. "I don't want you gone for even a day." Actually, in Thai these words are the subtext, not the main text. In Thai Style makes it more about Fadel:

I don't want you to go (to jail) even for a day. กูไม่อยากมึงเข้าเลยสักวัน [guu - mâi - yàak - mueng - kâo - loiie - sàk wan] I - not - want - you - enter, get in(to) - [particle] - just one day

When they talk about going to jail, they say เข้าคุก [kâo kúk] which literally translates to "entering jail". In the above sentence, Style doesn't explicitly repeat the word "jail" but he does use the verb เข้า [kâo] (= to enter) and so it's clear he's referring to him not wanting Fadel to go to jail even for a single day. So Style not wanting to be without Fadel for even a day is actually the unspoken thing here. Explicitly he states that he doesn't want Fadel to be in jail for even a day and while Style definitely doesn't want Fadel to be far (ish) away from him, I think Fadel's happiness is certainly also an aspect of why Style doesn't want Fadel imprisoned. Style wants Fadel to have freedom and be happy. Style wants Fadel to finally live a life free of killing people. Style wants Fadel to finally live the life Fadel wants to live, not the life other people think Fadel should live (or that Fadel thinks other people think he should live). In episode 6 Style told Fadel "Try just being someone you want to be. We'll do it together. There's nothing to be afraid of" but with Fadel going to prison there is no "try being who you want to be". There is no "we'll do it together". Style looks at Fadel with the biggest sad puppy eyes.

Fadel looks away for a moment. Right now he can point out the bright side of things to Style, but there is nothing Fadel can change about the fact that he'll be taken to jail. This is the one thing he can't do make Style happy again. Fadel looks back at Style and tries to reassure him again anyway: "I have to take responsibility for what I did. I can't change the past. This could be a chance for me to start over. I want to be a good man who deserves everything you do for me." And here's a more literal translation for those who are curious:

I want to be a good person who is worth the fighting you do for me. กูอยากเป็นคนดีให้คุ้มกับที่มึงสู้เพื่อกู [guu - yàak - bpen - kon dii - hâi - kúm gàp - tîi - mueng - sûu - pêuua - guu] I - want - be - good person - that - be worth(while) - that - you - fight - for - me

(Alt. translation: [...] who is worth the effort you put in for me.)

I just adore that Fadel explicitly brings up Style fighting for him specifically, not just a general "what you do for me". Because Style has been fighting hard all episode. In fact, Style has been fighting for Fadel for a long time now. Not just for Fadel's freedom, but Style has also been fighting for their relationship (even when Fadel was the one blocking him) and also for Fadel's mental health (pulling Fadel out of bad thoughts whenever he was stuck in a downward spiral). And Fadel acknowledges this fight and he wants to live up to it.

Lastly, Fadel says: "We have one day together. I want to make the most out of it." Style doesn't say anything and I think he's actually waiting for Fadel to continue talking, to elaborate on what exactly it is that he wants to do. But Fadel only smiles at Style tenderly. And I just love the role reversal here, because so many times it's been Style who has given Fadel encouraging smiles, but this time around Style is miserable, Style is struggling to stay positive, Style can't even bring himself to smile and it's Fadel who returns the exact kind of smile he's received from Style over and over again over the course of the series. For once, Style gets to be on the receiving end of it.

Since Fadel doesn't elaborate, Style tells him: "What you want to do, where to go, what to eat, just let me know. I'll take you anywhere." His voice still sounds like he's about to cry any moment now. Fadel smiles again. What a very Style thing of Style to immediately offer to pamper Fadel. But Fadel doesn't need anything big for their last 24 hours together. "I just want to do something simple," he says, "Go where we feel comfortable, with just you and me." Or more accurately:

It's enough if we go to our spots of just you and me. ไปในที่ของเราให้มีมึงกับกูก็พอ [bpai - nai - tîi - kŏng rao - hâi - mii - mueng - gàp - guu - gôh paw] go - in - place, spot - of us, our - that - have - you - and - me - it's enough

Fadel doesn't just wanna go to random places where they can feel comfortable and at ease, Fadel wants to go specifically to their places, to their spots that hold significance in their relationship. And we'll see that later in the episode when Style mentions that they were gonna go get breakfast at the market aka one of their spots (before Style's dad talks them into having breakfast at home instead) and when they go to the Rise Up meeting location, another place that's very specific to Fadel and Style and the development of their relationship.

And again Style lets the choice of how and where exactly Fadel wants to spend his last 24 hours of freedom entirely up to him. Style will gladly do anything and go anywhere Fadel wants to do and go as long as Fadel is happy during these last 24 hours they have together. And yes, in reality it's also Style's last day with Fadel and so Style should also get a say in what they do, but his own wants are really not that important to him right now. All that matters to him right now is that Fadel is happy. Because if Fadel is happy, then Style is happy, too. Because "it makes me happy just seeing your smile". That's what Style told Fadel the first time he thought he was having a "last day" with Fadel back in episode 6 and it's even more true now.

Style's voice is still serious and down when says the choice is Fadel's, but now he doesn't sound like he's on the verge of crying anymore. Fadel lights up and asks "Can we start by hugging you for 10 minutes straight?" For the first time in this entire scene, Style smiles. It's a very small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes the way it usually does, but a smile it is.

Absolutely they can hug for ten minutes straight. Style nods and Fadel immediately buries his face in Style's neck. The smile on Style's face from just now immediately falls again. Fadel kisses his neck and Style looks so very sad.

He'll accept Fadel's choice to go to prison if that's what Fadel wants, but Style is really struggling with it. He can't bear to be separated from Fadel. On the outside Style might be holding it together, but I think on the inside he's already starting to fall apart. "Take your time," Style tells Fadel. Fadel isn't the only one who really needs this ten minute hug right now. And part of me wonders if maybe Fadel didn't necessarily suggest the ten minute hug for himself, but rather for Style, because he can tell how miserable Style is.

What I love the most about this scene is that we finally get to see Fadel comforting Style for once. Because so many times we've watched Style be there for Fadel, watched him comfort Fadel, watched him pull Fadel out of his dark mental place, watched him fight Fadel's negative view of himself. And even when Style was really upset about something, he never really got any comfort from Fadel. For example, in episode 4 Style spent a lot of time being extremely angry and hurt from Fadel ditching him after sleeping with him. And he also openly voices his anger and his hurt to Fadel (in the diner as well as at the Rise Up meeting). But in the end, in the greenhouse it's Style who's comforting Fadel and is there for him, when really Fadel should be the one making it up to Style and to try and patch things up with him. Or in episode 8, when Style is crying in the motel from all the trauma that Fadel had put him through that day: Fadel wants to comfort Style but in the end he doesn't and Style is still left to cry himself to sleep alone and he never knows about Fadel almost breaking after all. Style spends that night uncomforted (and remember, Style went through a lot: his best friend could potentially be dead, he had a near-death experience himself, he is worried sick about his dad and what losing the only family he has left might do to him, and on top of that Style's relationship is also on the line) and the next day just Fadel keeps being grumpy at him while Style swallows it all and puts on his cheerful face. And Fadel never even apologizes for any of it, while Style works really hard to make everything he ever did wrong up to Fadel.

So it's absolutely wonderful to see how Fadel is now finally in a place where he can comfort Style back and be there for him, too, when Style is feeling down. Usually Style is the character who's always optimistic about everything, who always finds the bright side of things and always keeps smiling no matter how bleak everything seems. And the fact that for once Style is entirely unable to find the sunshine in the rain really highlights and shows us just how devastated Style is about Fadel's arrest and their impending separation. And while it may seem like Style is holding it together fairly well, in reality he is completely and utterly crushed, so much so that he actually fails to find and see the bright side in this situation. And so Fadel does it for him. For the first time it's Fadel who stays positive, it's Fadel who looks for the bright side and points it out to Style. And Fadel is trying so hard to make Style see that bright side that usually Style always immediately seeks out. It's absolutely beautiful to watch.

And while I do think Fadel very much does need the ten minute hug himself, I think it's also part of the comfort he's offering to Style in this scene. Because he can tell that Style is trying to keep it together and to stay strong for Fadel and I think Fadel knows Style would never outright ask for comfort, because he wouldn't wanna burden Fadel even more with the additional worry about Style's well-being when Fadel already has to carry the burden of going to jail. And so I think Fadel asks for that hug on behalf of Style so that Style can hold onto him under the guise of it being for Fadel and Fadel's needs and Style can continue to seem like he's staying strong (though Style does show his vulnerability when he tells Fadel "take your time". With that he's telling Fadel Please don't let go of me just yet, please just keep holding me, I really need this right now). At the same time the hug lets Fadel hold onto Style as well, something that Fadel really needs right now, too. They get to hold onto and hold each other. The comfort is mutual.

No. 6: Family Breakfast with a Side of Marriage

It's the next day and Style is in a significantly better mood again. He's back to the Style that always stays positive. The boys greet Style's dad who immediately teases Fadel. "You're here often now, aren't you? This ain't no hotel, you know?" Fun fact, in Thai he's very direct in the first sentence already:

You come to sleep at my house quite often. มานอนบ้านกูบ่อยเลยนะ [maa - nawn - bâan guu - bòi - loiie - ná] come - sleep - my house - often - [particle for emphasis] - [particle]

This is the third time in the series that we were shown that Fadel slept at Style's place and the dad subsequently learned about it. I don't think three times is all that much, especially since we have no idea how much time has passed since the first time Fadel ran into Style's dad back in episode 6, so I'm gonna take this to mean that Fadel has spent many more nights at Style's place that we never got to see and most importantly, he most definitely spent the night at Style's place after sobbing his heart out on Style's lap at the end of last episode.

Although Style immediately shoots down both his dad's teasing as well as my headcanon right the next sentence:

It's not that often, no? ไม่บ่อยขนาดนั้นป่ะ [mâi - bòi - kà-nàat nán - bpà] not - often - that much - ? Official subs: He's not here often enough, more like.

Maybe this really is only the third time, after all. Style then mentions that they're going to get breakfast at the market and I'm happy the market gets at least a last mention. It is one of their spots after all. But Style's dad talks them into having breakfast at home. Fadel is a bit hesitant at first, but Style's dad orders them to sit down, because "You're dating Style. You're as good as being my family." Style throws Fadel a very satisfied look. His dad considering Fadel as basically his family is most definitely something Style is very pleased to hear. And so am I, because I was really hoping Style's dad would adopt Fadel. The boys sit down and Style immediately starts bragging about Fadel's burger making skills.

Style has some friendly banter with his dad and then at some point his dad turns to Fadel and asks "Well, Fadel. What are your plans for the future? Are you going to flip burgers for the rest of your life?" Style's happy face immediately turns serious when he looks over at Fadel. It's a risky question, considering Fadel most definitely will not be flipping burgers for at least the next five years. But Fadel says "It's my favorite thing to do. I guess I'll keep doing it" and Style is back to cheerfully bantering with his dad when his dad suggests Fadel opens a franchise. All Style's dad has to say to his son's teasing, though, is: "Hey, you gotta plan these things out thoroughly if you want to keep seeing each other. And since gay marriage is legal now, you two should definitely do that." And now I understand why we had to wait for what felt like forever for the series to air after they finished shooting. Even though we really weren't waiting all that long anyway, let's be real. I'm assuming they made sure to strategically air this episode until after the day same-sex marriage bill officially took effect on in Thailand (for future reference: this episode aired 13 days later). And yeah. This is the fourth reference to marriage we've gotten around Fadel and Style (here's the first one, if you missed the untranslatable pun). If they don't actually get married next episode, I'm going to fly to Thailand and personally strangle P'Jojo and his writers a little bit with my own two hands.

Fadel quietly smiles to himself while Style is a little bit done™ (affectionate) with his dad: "Don't jump the gun, old man. We just started dating." Actually, what Style says to his dad in Thai in the first sentence is "Don't 'wer'!":

อย่าพูดเวอร์ดิ [yàa - pûut - wer - dì] don't - speak - wer (over) - [particle]

If you forgot what the slang term เวอร์ [wer] means or you if you didn't read my ep3 or ep10 meta, let me just quickly drop my explanation from last week's meta here:

One of my irl-friends explained it to me a few months ago and I don't remember her exact wording (it was an oral conversation while we were out and about, not a written one) but she told me it comes from the English word "over" and it is used in the context of indicating that someone is being too much in the sense of someone is overdoing something (someone is doing/saying something that is "over" the level that the situation calls for). This article translates this slang term as "exaggerate" or "overstate" or "overreact".

So yeah, Style is more or less telling his dad not to be so extra with his words, because Style only just started dating Fadel. But his dad doesn't care. "Whatever. If you're getting married, do it before I die." Fadel and Style look at each other. Style's smile disappears from his face again. Their hands find each other under the table out of sight from Style's dad. If only they actually could get married soon. But they can't. Not for another five long years. But the truth isn't exactly something they can just share at the family breakfast table. Sorry, we can't get married, because I'm/my boyfriend is going to prison for a few years, because I/he regularly murdered people. Imagine that. But Fadel finds a way to smoothly talk himself out of this sticky situation. "Give me five years," he says. Style swallows. He hates those five years. Fadel continues. "I just want to save up enough money and I'll come talk to you, Dad." Now this is a language/cultural thing that doesn't really work in English, because first of all, you wouldn't call your friend's parents "mom" and "dad" and second of all, Fadel is actually using the word "dad" as a pronoun here, which is also strange in English, because you would be talking in 3rd person here, if you're directly addressing the dad:

Then I'll come talk to dad again. เดี๋ยวผมมาคุยกับพ่ออีกทีนะครับ [dĭieow - pŏm - maa - kui - gàp - pôh - ìik tii - ná - kráp] moment - I - come - talk, chat - with - dad - another time - [na] - [krub]

Style's dad is very delighted and pleased at being called "dad" by his son's boyfriend (as opposed to "uncle"), though he teases Fadel about it. His dad's reaction has Style smile again. Actually, I just adore this silent communication between Style and his dad here so much:

I think Style is quite happy to see how his dad is so chill about Fadel, so open to and almost kind of excited about accepting Fadel as a member of his family, especially considering we now know that this is the first time Style has brought anyone home and we also know from episode 5 that Style was really worried about his dad's reaction to him liking men. A few of you are likely familiar with the relief that Style must be feeling here. And then his dad also acknowledges it with a smile and a nod at his son... Please. I think I might cry.

No. 7: Paintball

After breakfast Fadel and Style go play paintball. I've seen some posts in the tags about how this seems "out of character" and also about how they (as well as Kant and Bison) should have spent their last 24 hours in bed together and that it's unrealistic that they wouldn't have slept together one last time. Of course, the paintball is mostly there to be a homage to the movie the series is based on, but it really doesn't bother me that it's there.

First of all, regarding those claims that it's unrealistic that they didn't sleep with each other... Well, it's canon that Fadel spent the night at Style's place and we didn't see them between their ten minute hug outside the garage and the next morning when they had breakfast. There is a gap in the story, so you can imagine all kinds of things that may have gone down once they reached Style's bedroom. You can write fanfiction about it. That's what the fanfiction gap is for. I say go write fanfiction about it. You know Joong wants you to.

Second of all, I think it ties in with the quote from episode 6 I already mentioned earlier: "Try just being someone you want to be. We'll do it together." I think in a way the paintball is a parallel to the concert in episode 6. Back then, Style was also spending a last day (night) with Fadel and while Fadel was entirely unaware of the fact that it could have been their last night together, they were still doing something that Fadel loved, they were doing something where Fadel could be himself. And if you've been following my meta series you'll know that Style has been trying to get Fadel to loosen up from the very first episode already. So I love this paintball scene, because even when Fadel was enjoying himself at the concert, his joy still seemed a little dimmed, as if he was a bit shy to fully let loose. But now, playing paintball, it must be the most carefree we've ever seen Fadel in the entire series so far. Fadel is being silly, and he's enjoying being silly with his boyfriend without any restraints, without feeling embarrassed about it even in the slightest. And I really thank the paintball scene to give me a glimpse of this side of Fadel.

Third of all, I like that they're not just spending all day staying in bed together, because honestly, that sounds kind of depressing to me. Because it would feel like you're just waiting for the clock to tick down, with the impending doom so painfully there in bed with them. And so I like that they're going out and are able to enjoy themselves, distracting themselves from and even entirely forgetting about what is waiting for them at the end of the day. I like that, even for just a brief moment, they get to be the most happy without the dark cloud of Fadel going to prison looming over them. They can just be themselves.

And fourth of all, I think Fadel is also doing it for Style. Because Fadel knows positivity is how Style deals with things. And slowly watching the clock tick down would break Style, so Fadel goes out to do something fun with Style. And Fadel fully lets loose for the first time and he turns into the sweetest boyfriend for Style, something that Fadel never really got be before. At least not with everything completely out in the open and with both parties fully aware of all the truths. Fadel has just one day of freedom left, just one last day in his relationship with Style (or so Fadel thinks), Fadel has nothing left to lose and so he turns into the sweetest boyfriend, almost like a goodbye present to Style. He's leaving Style with happy memories to look back on, memories full of laughter and joy.

And so I really don't mind that we got the paintball scenes in place of a bedroom scene. Besides, I'm never gonna say no to JoongDunk having fun on camera while being cute, whether it's DaoKluen playing around at the fish market, JokeZo chasing each other in the park, or now FadelStyle having the time of their lives playing paintball. At this point let me also just say, I love how Style complains about Fadel suddenly kissing his cheek, but at the same time basically presents his cheek for Fadel to kiss. Also, I'm sad we never got to see them sit intertwined like this in the series itself, so of course I gotta at the very least commemorate it here (courtesy of Dunk, I owe him my life 🙏):

When they are cleaning the paint off of each other, Style asks "Are you gonna be so sweet to me like this all day?" and if you've read my ep9 meta, then you'll know this has been a bit of a linguistic theme that got lost in translation. But more on that in a second, when another word also makes a return.

Fadel agrees that he's going to be sweet all day. Style is absolutely ready for it and says "It's too bad I didn't get to see your sweet side from the get-go. You wasted all that time being so mean to me." The word that Style uses for "mean" is โหด [hòht], which you may remember from my ep9 meta:

Style uses the word โหด [hòht] which is a word I actually discussed with my Thai friend after episode 7 and he explained that it can be translated in a few different ways depending on context, but usually it means "cruel" or "aggressive" or "brutal". I'm gonna go with "harsh" as a translation to have some consistency, because I feel like this word could work for all the lines that I'm about to drop.

I'm also just gonna bring some old lines back, for comparison (and I'm still sticking with "harsh" as a translation). Because "harsh" vs. "sweet" has been a bit of a theme, especially recently. In episode 4, when Style showed up in the kitchen he told Fadel:

No matter how harsh you are, I'm still hooked on you. มึงโหดแค่ไหนอ่ะ กูก็ยังติดใจมึงอยู่ดี [mueng - hòht - kâe năi - àh • guu - gôh - yang - dtìt-jai - mueng - yùu dii] you - harsh - how much - [particle] • I - [sentence link] - still - hooked - you - anyway Official subs: It doesn't matter how scary you are, I'm still hooked.

Then, in episode 7 when Fadel surprise attacked Style with a shower of kisses at the garage, Fadel had following complaint to Style:

When I'm sweet, you don't like it. ตอนกูหวานมึงก็ไม่ชอบ [dton - guu - wăan - mueng - gôr - mâi - chôp] when - I - sweet - you - [sentence link] - not - like Official subs: You don't like me being nice. When I'm harsh, you still scold me. ตอนกูโหดมึงก็ด่ากู [dton - guu - hòht - mueng - gôr - dàa - guu] when - I - harsh - you - [sentence link] - scold - me Official subs: You complain when I'm cold.

In episode 9, before they kissed in the ocean, Style teased Fadel:

Even when you're this harsh, you're still sweet with me. นี่ขนาดโหดนะเนี่ย ยังหวานกับกูเลย [nîi - kà-nàat hòht - ná - nîia • yang - wăan - gàp - guu - loiie] [interjection] - this harsh - [particle] - [particle] • still - sweet - with - me - [particle] Official subs: Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me.

And moments later Style told him:

From now on I want you to use only your sweet side. ต่อไปนี้กูอยากให้มึงใช้แต่ด้านหวาน [dtòh bpai níi - guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - chái - dtàe - dâan wăan] from now on - I - want - that - you - use - only - sweet side Official subs: From now on, I just want to see you being lovey-dovey.

And the theme of "harsh" and "sweet" is coming back around in episode 11 when Style says:

What a pity I didn't get to see your sweetness from the beginning. เสียดายนะ ไม่ได้เห็นความหวานของมึงตั้งแต่แรกอ่ะ [sĭia daai - ná • mâi dâai - hĕn - kwaam wăan - kŏng mueng - dtâng dtàe râek - àh] pity - [particle] • didn't - see - sweetness - of you, your - from the beginning - [particle] Official subs: It's too bad I didn't get to see your sweet side from the get-go. You wasted a little too much time being harsh to me. เสียเวลาโหดกับกูไปหน่อยว่ะ [sĭia weh-laa - hòht - gàp - guu - bpai nòi - wâ] waste time - harsh - with - me - a little too (much) - [particle] Official subs: You wasted all that time being so mean to me.

And I just love seeing the development of Fadel being harsh towards Style and Style liking him anyway to Fadel still being harsh, but also his sweet side starting to come through to Fadel now being totally sweet without a hint of harshness whatsoever. They've really come a long way. Although, of course Fadel can't be too sweet and he still teases Style about it: "Who'd want to be sweet with an annoying guy?" Except he says it with a smile in his eyes and with the softest tone ever. Style still takes a little offense, throwing Fadel a look that is both offended and very affectionate at the same time while he grabs the hose from Fadel, ready to take revenge. But then, Fadel continues: "You're just like Bison. You always find something good in a bad guy." Style smiles, looks away for a moment, thinks, then replies: "I believe people can change." And we know this to be true, because Style once told Kant: "I believe in the power of love. Love can turn a bad guy good." Besides, Style has been proven right about people being able to change: Style has been watching Fadel change in front of his very eyes. The Fadel that dragged Style out of his restaurant by his feet would never have sobbed into Style's lap like that.

Style then continues to say that he loves a mission and this is also something we've been seeing over the course of the series. In the beginning he was open to the mission of hitting on Fadel for Kant and now towards the end he was always very willing to help in Fadel and Bison's missions against Lilly. As for Fadel he's got his very own mission in mind: Project Boyfriend. Style announces that he'll help Fadel turn over a new leaf and Fadel contemplates for a second, staring at Style almost in wonder, then laughs and says "You think this Project Whatever of yours is gonna work?" Then he asks "You think I can change?", except in Thai it's not a dig at himself but rather a dig at Style's abilities:

You think you can change me? มึงคิดว่ามึงจะเปลี่ยนกูได้ [mueng - kít - wâa - mueng - jà - bplìian - guu - dâai] you - think - that - you - will - change - me - can, be able to

It's a challenge to Style: I dare you to change me. And we all (including Fadel) know that Style isn't one to back down from a challenge. Because Style loves winning. Except Style knows he's already won:

I don't know if it's gonna work or not. สำเร็จไม่สำเร็จไม่รู้อ่ะ [săm-rèt - mâi săm-rèt - mâi - rúu - àh] succeed - not succeed - not - know - [particle] You're letting me grab you and kiss your cheek like that. มึงให้กูจับหอมขนาดนั้นนะ [mueng - hâi - guu - jàp - hŏm - kà-nàat nán - ná] you - let - me - grab - kiss cheek - like that - [particle] Is it working? สำเร็จป่ะล่ะ [săm-rèt - bpà - lâ] succeed - ? - [particle]

(Official subs: "You tell me if it works when you let me do this to you.")

To really hit this home, Style immediately makes a grab for Fadel's face and kisses his cheek Like That™. Style showers Fadel in kisses and it turns into a water fight full of laughter and love, the exact opposite of the one time in episode 2 when Fadel doused Style at the market. And on a last note, let's just appreciate Style biting Fadel's head, because biting is a love language (see section cover pic for this, I meant to add it as a gif, but I ran into image limit 😭).

No. 8: Romantic Dates at a DIY-Grave

After they're done playing paintball, Fadel takes Style to another very special spot: his very own DIY-grave. Considering how surprised Style sounds when he asks "Why is your name on this tombstone?" I think it's safe to assume that Fadel failed to mention that they were gonna be visiting his own grave. If Fadel even told Style about visiting a grave at all, that is. Fadel explains "I had it done for myself" and in Thai it's actually even more depressing than that:

I prepared the grave for myself. กูเตรียมหลุมศพให้ตัวเองอ่ะ [dtriiam - lŭm sòp - hâi - dtuua eng - àh] prepare - grave - for - myself - [particle]

I mean, of course as viewers we are very well aware of the fact that Fadel did it himself, since we actually saw him dig it back in episode 3, but it sure hits different actually hearing him say it out loud as well. That he himself did it. Not that he commissioned it for other people to do it, but that he himself did it (except for the making of the actual gravestone itself, I assume). Somebody give this man a hug and wrap him in a blanket.

This information sure hits Style, too, because he whips his head around to Fadel, his expression shocked. Fadel continues to say that no one knows about this, not even Bison, and Style really doesn't understand:

And why do you have to prepare like this? แล้วทำไมมึงต้องเตรียมขนาดนั้นด้วยอ่ะ [láew - tam-mai - mueng - dtông - dtriiam - kà-nàat nán - dûuay - àh] and - why - you - have to - prepare - like that, that much - also, too - [particle] Official subs: Why would you do that?

I think Style does have somewhat of an idea as to why Fadel would prepare his own grave, but asks for clarification so that he has the exact details and I like to think that he is also hoping against all odds that there is a non-depressing explanation for this. Style looks at Fadel again and this time his face is full of concern rather than shock. Style listens attentively as Fadel explains that he lives a risky life that could end at any moment and that he'll be dying alone. Fadel then goes on to say that he wants to be buried here and that there's no need for a funeral since he doesn't have any family and only Bison would be crying over him. Style raises his eyebrows for a moment, tilts his head a little, sighs, and then furrows his brows a bit, accompanied by a small headshake.

I think he is a little hurt that Fadel thinks Style wouldn't be crying at his grave. I think he's sad for both Fadel as well as himself that Fadel still can't seem to wrap his head around just how much Style cares about him and just how very loved he is by Style. I think Style is sad that Fadel is in a mental state where he'll just take it for granted that nobody would be willing to put in the time and effort it takes to love him and at the same time Style is also hurt that his very own efforts to love Fadel, everything that he's done for him, all of it just gets disregarded by Fadel in the process. Style didn't go through the past ten episodes for nothing. And so he reminds Fadel: "Your boyfriend is literally standing right here." Style will, in fact, be crying over Fadel. And because Style is Style who always looks at the bright sight of things, he then proceeds to announce: "I'll make sure your grave is well decorated with flowers and burgers on the daily." As soon as he's finished speaking, he turns his head to check on Fadel's reaction.

And Fadel? Is smiling brightly. It worked.

Style can go back to being serious: "And when I die, I'll be lying right next to you. I won't let you get lonely." He sits down and leans against the gravestone as he says this to really demonstrate his point. Then he holds out his hand to Fadel who takes it and Style pulls him down. Fadel smiles brightly and Style laughs as Fadel gets comfy next to Style. And there's a moment where Style stares at Fadel with an emotion that I can't quite put into words, a moment where he slips out of that happiness very briefly and takes a private moment to lose himself in Fadel. I think Style wishes Fadel didn't have to embrace death with such open arms as part of his everyday life. And I think another thing that is happening here is that Style's sadness and the heaviness of the impending separation is coming through for just a second while Fadel isn't properly looking at him. Style can't easily pull Fadel out of his lonely and lowkey suicidal mind and be his light in the dark when Fadel is locked up.

Style immediately jumps back into happy mode as soon Fadel meets his eyes again. "Even when we were ghosts, I'd still be yapping your ears off," Style says and warmly looks at Fadel who just stares at him, taking in his words. Then Fadel drops his head down to kiss Style's shoulder and Style uses the chance to sneak a forehead kiss. Fadel wasn't expecting that sneaky kiss and looks up at Style in surprise. Fadel laughs and Style watches him with a smile, but that smile has a much more serious air to it than usual. Fadel starts talking again and just like before Style listens attentively while Fadel confesses that he's been thinking less about dying ever since he met Style. And Fadel also tells him why that is:

Because you make me feel like I wanna keep on living so that I can be with you for a long time. เพราะมึงทำให้กูรู้สึกว่ากูอยากมีชีวิตต่อเพื่อที่จะอยู่กับมึงไปนานๆ [próh - mueng - tam hâi - guu - rúu-sèuk - wâa - guu - yàak - mii chii-wít - dtòr - pêuua tîi jà - yùu - gàp - mueng - bpai - naan naan] because - you - make that, cause - I - feel - that - I - want - live, be alive - further - so that, in order to - be - with - you - [particle] - for a long time Official subs: I want to keep on living just to spend time with you.

Yeah, I just wanted to put this language note here to highlight that it's not just that Fadel wants to spend time with Style, but that he wants to do so for a long time. That means Fadel is finally seeing a future for himself that doesn't end in (early) death, it's a happy future right by Style's side. A future where they'll be old men together. In a way, this is almost a response or maybe a parallel to Style saying "I'll still wanna be with you [when we're old]." Fadel wants to stay alive so he can have that old man yaoi future with Style.

This makes Style smile brightly and now his smile also reaches his eyes again. "That's the most romantic thing I've heard." Style starts teasing Fadel about it. Fadel isn't convinced. "You're making me feel like I'm being lame." But Style really means it. "You're just romantic in an oddly specific way. Who the hell takes their boyfriend to their grave? I doubt I'll ever find another one like you." No joke. Style leans in a little closer and tells Fadel: "Don't die on me just yet. Stay and be weirdly romantic with me for a very long time." Style also wants that old man yaoi future with Fadel. Very much so.

They look at each other for a moment. Then Style lifts his hand to Fadel's face and gently pulls him closer. Fadel turns a little more towards Style and leans his head forward to grant Style better access to his forehead which Style proceeds to kiss softly. Fadel leans in even more to kiss Style's cheek just as softly in response. Then Fadel leans his head down to kiss Style's thumb of the hand that is still lightly touching Fadel's face. The two of them bask in the time they still have left together. They stay seated, enjoying the nature and each other's company for a little while longer while they still can. The day will end soon enough.

No. 9: Therapy Session

Their next stop is the gym in which the Rise Up meetings are held. Back in episode 5 Style asked Fadel why he goes to the meetings and now several episodes later Fadel finally gives him a proper answer to that question, an answer that isn't just two sentences. Fadel goes because his parents were killed, yes, but Style finally learns the real reasoning behind it: Fadel prefers telling his stories to strangers to avoid being an emotional burden to anyone, since strangers don't really care that much. Fadel doesn't want anyone to worry. As always when Fadel speaks, Style listens attentively. And that's really interesting, because just now Fadel actually said:

Well, if people don't know each other, they'll just listen without really paying attention, right? ก็ถ้าคนเราไม่รู้จักกันเนี่ย ก็จะฟังผ่านๆ ใช่ป่ะล่ะ [gôh - tâa - kon rao - mâi - rúu-jàk gan - nîia • gôh - jà - fang - pàan pàan - châi - bpà - lâ] well - if - people - not - know each other - [particle] • then - will - listen - carelessly, superficially - right - ? - [particle] Official translation: When you don't know them, you don't really care about them much, do you?

(Alt. translation: [...] they'll just listen carelessly, right?)

My Thai friend explained the phrase ฟังผ่านๆ [fang pàan pàan] as "you listen but you're not really paying attention to what is being said", like you hear it but you aren't really listening. But Style does listen. Style listens attentively every time Fadel opens up. Style lets Fadel talk without interruption, lets him share whatever he wants to share without pressuring him. And lately, Fadel has been sharing with Style quite a bit and he also acknowledges that and the resulting growth: "But I just learned what it's like to share my sorrow. I don't feel so sad anymore. I'm happier." And now Style does finally comment:

You're a super deep person, you know? มึงอ่ะเป็นคนโคตร deep เลยรู้ป่ะ [mueng - àh - bpen - kon - kôht - deep - loiie - rúu - bpà] you - [particle] - be - person - very, extremely - deep - [particle] - know - ? Official subs: You’re way too deep, you know that?

I think Style is quite impressed, but not necessarily in the sense where he's completely in awe of Fadel, but rather I feel like there's almost a bit of disappointment behind it in the way he says that, as if he was disappointed at himself that he himself isn't like that. Especially because he then also sighs and continues with "I personally think I have no layers at all. I'm pretty boring." And it's interesting that overly confident Style would have such a low view of himself. But that might also just be where the "overly" part of "overly confident" comes into play. Although I don't think Style necessarily has low self-esteem, I think he's genuinely confident enough. I also remember some talk in the tags over the past few weeks that the thing about Style is that with him what you see is what you get. And I think this what Style might be referring to here. Unlike Fadel, Style doesn't really hide his emotions. He feels what he feels and his surroundings will know about it. He doesn't hide behind a grumpy pokerface where you have to dig deep to find out just how much is actually behind it. I think Style thinks he's a bit of an open book that takes next to no effort to read, which makes it (makes him) boring. But I (and my over 100k words of analysis) beg to differ. And so does Fadel: "No layers? But you're so sensitive."

Now, I looked up some definitions of "sensitive", because I wasn't sure to what extent I agree. Cambridge dictionary defines one meaning as:

easily upset by the things people say or do, or causing people to be upset, embarrassed, or angry

I'm not sure I would agree with saying Style is "easily upset by the things people say or do". He did take almost everything that Fadel threw at him in stride, after all, down to the constant stream of death threats, and Style even never really held a grudge (and if he did, it didn't last long). And as much as we all adore Fadel, we gotta admit Fadel's harsh behavior towards Style really was quite shitty at certain points, even if it absolutely makes perfect sense from his POV. The only thing I can think of right now where Style was "easily upset" is how upset Style was when Fadel blue-balled him in the kitchen in episode 4. But I think some of that anger and hurt was less about the kitchen incident and more about Fadel also ditching him in the storage room after they hooked up in the first place. Another moment I can think of where this definition may apply to is when Style cries in the motel bed, but as I mentioned in my ep8 meta, I think that crying is totally justified after the events of that day (as well as the day before).

As for saying "causing people to be upset, embarrassed, or angry", now that I can get behind a lot more easily. After all, making Fadel angry and upset is pretty much all Style lived for in the beginning of their journey and he most definitely also tried to embarrass Fadel on occasion (namely when he yelled at Fadel in the market place in episode 2 or when he caused a scene at the diner in episode 4). Although even that was very specific to Fadel, and we didn't really see Style make any of the other characters he interacted with angry or upset or embarrassed.

Another definition given on Cambridge dictionary is:

understanding what other people need, and being helpful and kind to them

Now this is a definition I absolutely and 100% agree with when it comes to Style. I've mentioned it in multiple of my metas already that Style likes to help and he also tends to mediate. As a mediator, he would have to be understanding of the needs of the people involved in the conflict in order to diffuse the situation with as little harm as possible.

Merriam-Webster also gives this definition:

delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others

We see this true especially with Fadel. Style is excellent at reading Fadel. We see it over and over again how Style will observe Fadel, will watch him closely, will watch him intently, will listen to him attentively, will read him and knows exactly what to say or how to act, especially the better he gets to know Fadel and the more he starts to care about Fadel. And personally I like to think that this is a skill that Style learned through his mother's illness and her death. While his mother was sick and dying, things must have been very emotionally difficult and likely also very tense at home and when his dad lost his bearings after the mother's death, Style probably also got quite some practice in reading and being aware of the attitudes and feelings of others (namely of his dad, back then).

I don't know in which way Fadel meant it when he said Style is sensitive, but he does hit the nail on the head with his next point: "You just mask it all under your jokes." Fadel got to witness this up close on their little road trip adventure. In his anger and hurt he wasn't exactly on his best behavior towards Style, but despite that Style kept flirting, kept yapping, kept making jokes about using the complimentary gifts or wanting his body to be dumped in a beautiful place so his ghost could haunt nature. I touched on it a little bit in my ep8 meta (section 2, the last 2-3 paragraphs) and then in a bit more detail throughout my ep9 meta, but I think Style was actually hurt by Fadel's behavior. And I think Fadel was kinda aware of it. If not in episode 8, then at the very least he realized it in episode 9 when Style was on his knees offering his life. And I just love that we have this confirmation that Fadel has learned to read Style just as much as Style has learned to read Fadel. They know each other equally.

Style replies: "Everyone has their own way of dealing with sadness, right? You pretend it doesn't hurt. I bury it under my positivity." And here's the literal wording, for those who are curious:

Someone like you uses indifference. อย่างมึงอ่ะก็ใช้ความด้านชา [yàang - mueng - àh - gôh - chái - kwaam dâan chaa] like - you - [particle] - [sentence link] - use - indifference As for me, I use cheerfulness. ส่วนกูก็ใช้ความร่าเริง [sùuan - guu - gôh - chái - kwaam râa rerng] as for - me - [sentence link] - use - cheerfulness

And I like to think this is also something Style probably learned or even actively chose to start doing through his mothers illness and death. We've seen Style use positivity/cheerfulness to deal with his problems plenty of times throughout the series and not just directly opposite Fadel, but also when Fadel wasn't around, most notably in episode 6 when Style and Kant were stood outside a locked restaurant as well as in episode 7 when Style and Kant were in the showers and Kant brought up the brothers' suspicious behavior. In my metas I didn't really explicitly say that Style's jokes were a mask or that he was using his cheerfulness to bury his problems, but when writing about the aforementioned scene of episode 6 I did say this in my ep6 meta:

And what's interesting about it is that during that little chat Style isn't even all that depressed, despite still not having any clue whatsoever about Fadel's whereabouts. In fact, he actually sounds kind of cheerful when he asks and talks about the cat, unlike in the scene before where he was simply just miserable. Style's tone as well as his expression do both get more serious when he says "I guess [the cat] misses Bison, then. He’s a food source, after all", but no matter how troubled he is about the whole situation, no matter how worried he is about Fadel's well-being and no matter how much he misses him, he won't let himself wallow in misery.

(bolded for emphasis)

And for the shower scene in episode 7 I wrote the following:

Just like in episode 6, Style refuses to just sit there in misery. He refuses to be stressed as long as there is still a small glimmer of hope that things end well. Yes, Fadel has been acting weird, but until Style has definite proof that something is indeed extremely wrong, he'll go and enjoy life. As long as there is still a positive, plausible explanation or a positive way out, he'll go and enjoy life. There could be something wrong, but there doesn't have to be and so Style chooses to hold onto the thought that there isn't anything wrong for now until proven otherwise. And with that energy, he goes bowling that same night.

He won't let himself wallow in misery and episode 11 explicitly confirms that this is indeed exactly how he deals with a situation and that Style is also very much aware of it. Honestly, I love getting the confirmation that Style is self-aware. I mean, I figured, because I know my boy Style is a smart man, but still, it's nice to have it explicitly stated in canon as well.

But this day and especially this place isn't about Style at all and so he brings the conversation back around to Fadel: "But I don't want you to think you're a burden to anyone." It's important to Style that Fadel really understands that. And it's even more important that Fadel understands that he most definitely isn't a burden to Style specifically. Style has finally managed to get Fadel to trust him enough to open up and to share and Style just wants Fadel to keep on sharing. "Whatever you're feeling, I'm here if you need to dump it on someone," Style says. Fadel laughs a little, then amusedly asks "Whatever I'm feeling?" Style smiles a bit, then determinedly gets up and firmly confirms: "Whatever you're feeling." Fadel challenges him a little: "If I get sad?" Style walks two steps towards Fadel, then says "I'll cry with you. I'll wipe your tears." We haven't yet seen Style cry with Fadel, but we did very much watch him gently wipe tears from Fadel's face only last episode. Fadel knows that Style is speaking the truth, because Style has done it before. And Style knows Fadel knows it's true. There is no doubt about it, because Style has already done what he says he will do. Fadel smiles and asks "If I'm happy?" Style walks two more steps towards him, saying "I'll laugh with you." This, too, is something they've done together on quite a few occasions by now, most recently only mere hours ago when they were playing paintball. This, too, is something that Style has already proven to be true. Style looks at Fadel expectantly, ready to shoot back a confident answer in the blink of an eye for whatever other mood Fadel is throwing at him. But Fadel is completely serious now, no longer challenging Style. He no longer needs to, Fadel already believes him, because Style has already proven his words to be true even before they were out of his mouth. In a serious tone, Fadel goes "And if I..." and the way Fadel trails off is quite reminiscent of the way Style trailed off in episode 4 when he said "Having a boyfriend is great. You have someone to embrace, to love, and to…" Style takes his last step towards Fadel, sits in his lap, straddling him, and says "I'll help." Then he kisses Fadel, proving these words to be true, too, just like the other ones.

They won't get to kiss each other for five long years, so Style wants to stock up. When they're done kissing, Style moves into a hug. But Fadel leans forward for a moment to kiss Style's neck and Style actually looks surprised and a little caught off guard with the way he blinks and raises his eyebrows.

No matter how cheerful of a front Style has been putting up all day and no matter how much he genuinely was cheerful at certain points since they got up this morning, deep down Style has been in pain about the impending separation all day, too. And right then and there, wrapped in Fadel's arms, with his face where Fadel can't see it... Style finally lets himself feel that pain. At least a little bit. Unlike Fadel in episode 6, Style is not (yet) crying.

And this right here is exactly why I think it's good they went out and played paintball. Because Style already looked so sad the night before during the ten minute hug, and now that he's back in Fadel's arms again he looks even more miserable. He looks like he's about to start crying any second. If they'd spent all day in bed, even if they had slept together (even if multiple times), I think during the downtimes where they would have just been cuddling Style would have just been miserable as he feels the minutes, the hours passing by. And I don't think Fadel would have wanted Style to spend his last 24 hours with Fadel feeling sad and upset and dreading the moment they have to say goodbye. Especially because Fadel is fully aware of the fact that Style uses positivity and cheerfulness to deal with sadness. And I'm glad Style got to have at least a few hours where he was completely distracted from his hurt about the separation and where he was able to genuinely smile and be happy and have fun without feeling awful. Because the grief will catch up soon enough. The grief is already catching up. They remain seated holding onto each other like this for probably quite a while.

No. 10: A Present

The last stop of the day before Fadel has to go is, of course, the Heart Burger restaurant. Style is back to being his smiley self. He's standing in the kitchen with Fadel, about to prepare some food, because Fadel wants to cook food with his partner that is do what he loves with the person that he loves. Fadel loudly announces that it makes him happy and then smiles towards the table, looking almost kind of shy. Style watches Fadel fondly, his expression loving and warm.

Fadel opens up about his history in the restaurant business and says he likes Heart Burger best, to the point where he was considering running it as a serious business once he'd quit being a killer. Style's expression turns a little more neutral while he's intently listening to Fadel talk. But then Fadel says "Who'd have thought…" and trails off and Style's smile from before is gone completely.

I think there are two things happening here: the first thing is that Style's need to help (especially those he loves) immediately has him try thinking of a solution where the Heart Burger might be saved while Fadel goes to prison. And the second thing, which is more subconscious I think, is that the impending goodbye really hits him again. His main concern is Fadel and how to keep Fadel's restaurant safe for him while Fadel is gone, but I think for a moment he's also feeling very much not okay again about Fadel being taken away from him in the first place. Then Style's eyebrows shoot up as a solution pops into his mind: "You want me to run this place while you're gone?" Fadel looks up, sees Style's very serious and earnest expression, huffs a little and says: "Just focus on your garage. I don't want this place to go out of business just yet." He smiles a cheeky little smile while he says the second sentence and his teasing works. For a moment Style comes out of his serious mood as he complains "Oh, you underestimate me". Actually, I asked my friend about the expression ดูถูก [duu tùuk] that Style uses here and my friend translated it as "to insult":

Don't you think you're insulting me a bit too much? มึงดูถูกกูไปป่ะวะ [mueng - duu tùuk - guu - bpai - bpa - wá] you - insult - me - to (much) - ? - [particle]

Style immediately goes back to being earnest and serious when he says "With a little training, I can do it, you know?" Fadel looks at Style, his expression warm, and Style gives him an encouraging little nod. He is very much willing to put in the effort for Fadel. If Fadel loves this restaurant and wants to do it as a full-time job then Style will happily do everything that he can to keep it safe for Fadel until Fadel returns.

Fadel takes off his gloves, then reaches for his pocket and says "You don't need to" and the first time I watched the episode for a split second I thought he was about to pull out a ring and propose to Style right then and there. And with the way Style looks down towards Fadel's hand I wonder if Style was thinking the same thing for just a moment. What Fadel pulls out isn't exactly a ring, but it might as well be: it's the Heart Burger pin. The very pin that they argued about the third time they met back in episode 1. The very pin that Fadel so irritably demanded to get back. Fadel is now holding that very pin out to him. Style just stares at it, not moving a muscle. Fadel then says out loud that he's giving it to Style and Style looks at him and, still in shock, asks:

But you're very protective of it, aren't you? แต่มึงหวงมากเลยไม่ใช่หรอ [dtàe - mueng - hŭuang - mâak loiie - mâi châi - rŏh] but - you - protective - very much - no - ? Official subs: But you love it so much, don’t you?

Style uses the word หวง [hŭuang] here which in series will often get translated as "possessive" or "jealous" (especially when it's used to refer to being หวง [hŭuang] about a person), but my friend explained that this word is also used to express that the thing is something you wanna keep to yourself, something you wanna keep in your sight (in the words of my friend: "Normally you would never let this out of your sight"). He also explained that when it's an object you might also have a certain way to use it/go about it. I thought "protective" would work quite well as a translation here, because it also implies that you want to keep the thing in your sight to watch over it.

So Style is very surprised that Fadel is actually entrusting him with the pin since Fadel is so หวง [hŭuang] about it and Fadel explains: "That's exactly why I want you to take care of it." Style searches Fadel's face, still in disbelief, but he's starting to smile now. Fadel moves to put it on him right above his heart and Style's smile grows bigger, but then falls a little again when Fadel looks away. Style's eyes stay fixed on Fadel while Fadel puts the pin on Style's shirt. In the middle of the action Fadel looks up at Style's face and Style smiles small fond smiles at him as he keeps staring at him. He is so in love.

Fadel is done attaching the pin and speaks compliments, looking proudly at the pin. Style falls into his own world a little bit as he looks down at it. Quiet wonder and amazement grows on his face while he lifts his head, lost in thought, and then looks back down at the pin.

This may not have been an actual marriage proposal, but it is as good as one. Style finally comes back to reality. He turns to Fadel and says: "It feels really safe when you're by my side." And it's so nice to see what a long way Style, too, has come from "It feels so weird every time I'm with you. Sometimes you make me feel so scared, and sometimes you make me feel so safe" back in episode 5. Style smiles at Fadel very fondly again. Fadel looks up surprised and smiling a little, too. In the end he laughs and comments "What is that, all of a sudden? Gives me the creeps." Fun fact, in Thai he's not creeped out but:

I'm gonna puke. จะอ้วก [jà - ûuak] will - puke

Still happy, Fadel instructs Style to cut the onions (is it onions because we're about to lead into a scene that has us go "is someone cutting onions or why are my eyes wet"?) and Style smiles brightly at Fadel and amusedly shakes his head at Fadel's reaction to his words. Then he turns towards the cutting board, but not without looking at Fadel one more time.

The scene ends in a montage of the two of them by the stove, making their burgers all while they smile together, laugh together, and constantly look at each other.

No. 11: The Last Supper

Dinner is done, the table is set, and the two of them are ready to eat. Style is impressed. "I want our last dinner to be special," says Fadel. Style looks up at him, eyes wide in shock. "Don't say 'last dinner'." Style doesn't wanna hear it. It's not gonna be their last. It's just not. "We'll be together when you're out of prison." Actually what Style says here is:

We'll get to eat more [meals] when you're out of jail. เดี๋ยวมึงออกมาจากคุกก็ได้กินอีก [dĭieow - mueng - òhk maa jàak - kúk - gôh - dâai - gin - ìik] moment - you - come out of - jail - [sentence link] - get to - eat - more

And this wording just really reminds me of episode 6 after the concert when Fadel promised "When I'm back, there'll be more nights like this." It's not just that they'll be together in general when Fadel is back, but they'll be able to do specific activities together again. This activity specifically. Eating dinner together. (Though from the behind the scenes we already know that Fadel will be keeping his own promise, too. EDIT: Joke's one me, turns out it's a deleted scene that never made it into an episode. I cry.) In a way, Style's words are as much of a promise as Fadel's words were after the concert. Or rather, Style's words are a firm decision. A fact, even. In five years they'll be eating more dinners, any other option is absolutely and entirely out of the question.

But for Fadel, the future isn't so clear: "I don't know what the future holds. I just want to make the most out of tonight." Style doesn't try to convince Fadel otherwise, but instead says "Let's plan our life, then." And that's interesting, because this is the second time this episode that Style is planning something or wants to plan something where Fadel, who's usually the planner out of the two of them, doesn't have any plans at all. Style's relationship with Fadel is so important to Style that even he starts planning now. Though I think this time around it's more than that. Style is very well aware of the fact that Fadel is a planner, well aware that Fadel plans out his whole life. But now, Fadel suddenly faces uncertainty for his future. And I think when Style offers to make plans it's also an offer of comfort, because he knows having plans gives Fadel reassurance. And if plans are what Fadel needs to stay confident in his relationship with Style throughout his time in prison, then Style will gladly sit down and make those plans. He'll do anything to make Fadel feel better and he'll also do anything to keep Fadel by his side. Because giving up (on) Fadel is simply just not an option. In a way this also parallels how Fadel was trying to look for the bright side earlier in the episode when Style couldn't. Now Style is trying to make plans when Fadel can't. But Fadel doesn't follow, so Style elaborates:

Let's plan how we're gonna be in a relationship while you're in jail. วางแผนว่าเราจะคบกันยังไงอ่ะ ตอนมึงอยู่ในคุก [waang păen - wâa - rao - jà - kóp gan - yang-ngai - àh • dton - mueng - yùu - nai - kúk] to plan - that - we - will - date, be a couple - how - [particle] • when, while - you - be - in - jail Official subs: Let's plan how we're going to make this work while you're in prison.

Because of course Fadel going to jail is not equal to a break-up in Style's mind, the same way Fadel's death threats didn't mean they were broken up either. And obviously they're still gonna be a couple while Fadel is in jail. But Fadel doesn't see how that's possible:

How can we be in a relationship? จะคบยังไงอ่ะ [jà - kóp - yang-ngai - àh] will - date, be a couple - how - [particle] Official subs: How are we going to do that? You'll be on the outside and I'll be on the inside. มึงก็อยู่ข้างนอก กูอยู่ข้างใน [mueng - gôh - yùu - kâang nôk • guu - yùu - kâang nai] you - [sentence link] - be - outside • I - be - inside Official subs: You'll be here while I'm there.

Style doesn't say anything for a moment and Fadel continues speaking: "Style… You don't have to wait for me. Just do what you want to do. Think of our time together… as a fun period of your life." Style looks at Fadel, almost in shock and says "No." Style's voice is a little shaky, he almost sounds a bit scared. Fadel is not breaking up with him just because he's going to prison, Style absolutely will not let that happen. "It doesn't have to be a big deal," he says, his voice now steady again. Fun fact, in Thai he actually explicitly says that คุก [kúk] (= jail) doesn't have to be a big deal. So what if Fadel is in jail? "I can visit you every week." But Fadel simply cannot imagine a world where someone would put in so much effort for him: "I'll just be a burden to you."

Except, there is someone out there who is more than happy to put in all that effort and it's Style. "What burden? I'm willing to take it." When Style says that he's willing to take on the burden there is so much urgency and a little bit of desperation in his voice. And I think it's not just because it's important to him that Fadel understands it for his (Fadel's) mental well-being, but I think Style is also hurt that Fadel is currently in the process of disregarding Style's own feelings on the matter again as he has done many times before. Fadel can have as much trauma as he wants and Style is understanding of that, of course, but it's still not a great experience to constantly receive messages along the lines of "you're feelings aren't real, what you think doesn't matter, I don't believe you". Because Style really means it when he says he still wants this relationship to continue even with Fadel in prison and he means it when he says he can (and will) visit him weekly. And it hurts Style that Fadel just refuses to see that, refuses to acknowledge that in any way. This relationship is made out of two people and Style also has his own agency here which Fadel is just completely brushing aside when he insists that Style wouldn't do the things Style says he would. And that just hurts, especially when Style has proven his words to be true over and over again. Fadel's behavior is not entirely fair to Style.

Style is so very willing to take the burden and he's starting to get stressed, because no matter what he says Fadel just won't believe him. Fadel just continues to disregard Style's wants and needs and predicts a dark future instead: "At first, you will. But you won't always be able to. You're out here, you will meet a whole lot of people." Style, however, can read Fadel pretty well by now and he comes to a realization as Fadel is speaking:

So you're... scared I'll forget you, aren't you? นี่มึง... กลัวกูลืมมึงใช่มั้ย [nîi - mueng... gluua - guu - leum - mueng - châi mái] [interjection] - you... scared - I - forget - you - right? Official subs: Are you… scared of being forgotten?

And I think the original wording is important here again, because the official translation just generalizes it and kind of makes it sound like being forgotten is something that just sort of happens to Fadel in a passive way. But I think the thought that terrifies Fadel the most isn't that he becomes invisible for the world in general, but specifically that the one person that means the most to him in this life will forget him. He's terrified that Style will actively forget him. And Style clocks that, because he's excellent at reading Fadel and directly calls him out on it, giving Fadel no real out, making Fadel face his fear.

Fadel takes a while to reply as he goes through a whole emotional journey first. Style keeps his eyes fixed on him. Then Fadel finally says: "What else can I do? When I'm in there, all I'll do is think… if you forgot me already." Style knew this answer was coming and is quick to reply. He leans forward. "How could I forget you?" No, really, how could Style ever forget Fadel? Style sounds almost a bit offended when he asks this. "You dragged me out of this place. We ran away from gunshots hand in hand. We slept together in the woods and kissed in the ocean." Just like before, there is urgency in Style's voice. What he is saying here is important to him. And there is also a bit of desperation again which grows the longer he speaks. Because in reality, Style is also scared as much as Fadel is. Both of them are scared of losing the other, but in entirely different ways. Fadel is scared that Style will forget him and so he deals with it by preemptively pushing Style away before he can get hurt from Style (potentially) dumping him like Fadel has been dumped before (or so Fadel thought). Fadel deals with it by preemptively locking his heart up again and with that locking Style out of it. And through that he's also the cause of Style's fear. Because Style doesn't want to be pushed out, doesn't want to stand in front of Fadel's locked heart. He wants to stay with Fadel. But when Fadel is in prison for five long years it'll be much harder to pull him out of his downward spiral whenever Fadel starts having doubts again. And Style is terrified of losing Fadel right then and there, just because Fadel is already predicting the worst and is completely disregarding the reality of Style's feelings again. By the end Style's voice is really desperate and stressed when he says:

Experiences like these aren't easy to come by. (lit. "aren't easy to find.") ประสบการณ์แบบนี้มันไม่ได้หาง่ายๆ นะเว้ย [bprà-sòp-gaan - bàep níi - man - mâi dâai - hăa - ngâai ngâai - ná wóiie] experience - like this - it - not - find - easy, easily - [particle] Official subs: Those aren't something I'll have with just anyone.

Style is terrified of losing Fadel, he is hurt that Fadel is completely brushing off Style's feelings and perspective on the matter, and Style is also kind of angry that Fadel is pulling this shit on Style once again. Style is a little done with Fadel constantly dismissing Style's feelings and actions, when Style has proven his loyalty and his feelings time and time again. It is of utmost importance that Fadel really understands and internalizes the fact that Style loves him and will stay by his side no matter what and that Fadel's behavior also affects Style, hurts Style. To really emphasize on his point, Style finishes with a firm and decisive "I can't forget you."

Style's little speech and outburst of emotion really hits Fadel. He takes a bit to respond and when he does, it sounds like there is a lump in his throat. "I'll believe you." Style doesn't immediately respond either. He looks at Fadel for a moment and then takes his hand. "Let's just eat. I'm getting hungry." Style is smiling now, his voice is a little breathless and you can just feel the relief oozing out of him. The relief that Fadel believes him. The relief that Fadel isn't disregarding Style's feelings again. The relief that Fadel isn't breaking up with him.

Style moves to grab his burger, then holds it out to Fadel to feed him. Fadel takes a bite, then feeds Style in return. If the gift of the pin earlier was an engagement, then the mutual burger feeding is the ring exchange. It seals their mutual commitment to each other. Fadel asks if the burger is good and Style replies "I won't ever forget the taste." This isn't about the taste of the burger. It's not about the burger at all. Fadel doesn't reply, but judging by his facial expression, he definitely has another lump in his throat.

I can't tell if it's just the lighting, but to me it kinda looks like Style has some tears in his eyes in these shots?

Might really be just the lighting, though. Fadel, however, definitely teared up from the way his voice sounds when he makes a "mh-hm" sound and the way he sniffs. He takes a bite of the burger and some crumbs get stuck around his mouth. Style reaches over to brush them off, but really, he wipes away a tear. They keep eating. They don't comment on the tears.

Side Quest: First Boyfriend

I find it very interesting that Fadel was revealed to be Style's first boyfriend, especially because @nnnn99999 actually brought this possibility up after only the second episode:

What if Style is not an expert player? In fact, what if Style is not experienced at all? What if Style has been waiting for his one true love all this time? What if Style just wants a man to fall in love with and spend the rest of his life together with?

In her post, @nnnn99999 mostly makes a case of Style not really sleeping around, but I know she explicitly mentioned the possibility of Fadel being Style's first boyfriend, though unfortunately I can't find where exactly she said this right now (@nnnn99999 feel free to send it to me, if you have it at hand 🙏). In episode 4 @secriden also wondered: "Also, a thought that occurred to me - could this be Style's first relationship?" So how do you guys feel about being right? 😂

In her post, @secriden then continues to say "We know from episode 1 that he sleeps around, but there's seemingly no mention of a previous serious/committed relationship so far", but if you've been following my metas you'll know that I'm actually with @nnnn99999 on this one. Especially in the Side Quest section of my ep3 meta I go into detail why I think Style likes to flirt around and loves the attention he gets out of it, but doesn't actually sleep around. Throughout my metas I've also kept emphasizing on the fact that sex matters to Style and that I think Style makes deliberate choices about who he sleeps when he actually does sleep with someone (and Style wanting to make his own choices is also confirmed in episode 5).

Side note: I'm not gonna reiterate everything I've ever said about Style not sleeping around, but if you wanna know my thoughts I recommend you go check out my ep3 meta (section 2 side quest + section 14), my ep6 meta (section 2 side quest), and my ep7 meta (section 1 side quest).

Now with the reveal of Fadel being Style's first boyfriend and with the perspective of "Style is not a player" one could assume that Style might even have been a virgin before meeting Fadel, but my personal headcanon is that Style did go out and experience a bit here and there (maybe as a teenager, for example). It's just, as I've stated many times before, I don't think Style slept around regularly the way that Kant did. We didn't even get a single mention to a past hook-up when it comes to Style, while it did come up with Kant a bunch that he sleeps around. Style, instead, has always been all "I want to find love, I want a boyfriend" from the very beginning: even in the very first scene where we, the audience, meet Style for the first time he already tells Kant: "For real, man. Quit it with your one-night-stands and just get a real lover." Style hasn't even said 10 full sentences in the series at this point (it's his 8th line, depending on how you count them). For those wondering about the original wording, the official translation is roughly what Style says in Thai, but the original wording is a bit softer:

Please, I'm asking you... กูขอเหอะ [guu - kŏh - hùh] I - ask (for), request - [particle] Quit the one-night-stands and find a boyfriend for once. หยุดเสียวระยะสั้น แล้วหาแฟนสักที [yùt - sĭieow - rá-yá sân • láew - hăa - faen - sàk tee] stop - excited, aroused - short-term • and - look for - boyfriend - just once

(Side note: I decided to translate "faen" as "boyfriend" rather than the genderneutral "lover" here, because episode 10 confirmed Kant is strictly into men.)

Just from that alone we can understand that Style puts being in an actual relationship above sleeping around. It's Kant who is introduced as the person who scans the room for his next "victim". In comparison, Style walks up to him and is only focused on that drawing of a car on his phone screen. Style cares more about cars than he does about potential hook-ups (and we'll see just how true that is only a few scenes later when Style basically makes love to Kant's car). Style isn't paying attention to his surroundings at all, because unlike Kant, Style isn't there to look for his next body count. And then he even also complains that Kant is looking around instead of paying attention to Style. It's Kant who claims that Style is a player, but Style responds very skeptically to that claim, clearly disagreeing, the tone of his voice full of disapproval. What Style does then is that he goes attention seeking and showing off his waist, but we never actually see him engage with an actual person. And it's Kant who leaves the scene with a one-night-stand, while Style drives home alone. And even though Style also encourages Kant to go after Bison, he still sighs and makes a comment about how he's "left behind, once again" when Kant walks away from him, which doesn't exactly sound like Style approves of that way of life.

It's Kant from whom we hear things like "I did that to so many people. A taste of my own medicine, I suppose" and "But I stopped doing that since the day I met you." in reference to sleeping around and ditching people in the morning. Bison also explicitly states at one point "I never dated anyone seriously. But the guys I hung out with, like you [Kant], I enjoyed their company", implying that he also isn't a stranger to one-night-stands (and we even got to witness that considering Kant and Bison started out as a one-night-stand where the two of them wouldn't have seen each other again if Captain Christ hadn't happened).

Style, though? We never see him engage in a one-night-stand, nor does he ever make any references to past one-night-stands or people he's been (in bed) with. In fact, the one time he mentions that he had the opportunity to be set up with someone, Style talks about how he actually declined it. Style did not go after the person his dad suggested to him, when that would have been an easy catch. Style is all about "find a boyfriend" and "[Having a boyfriend] is great" and "I want your body and your heart" (The "and heart" is the key part here! Not just the body, but also the heart!). When Fadel wants to ditch him in the storage room in episode 3, Style doesn't like that one bit and even straight up tells Fadel: "What kind of man do you take me for? I might look like I play around, but I'm damn devoted to love. I want to date." And that's the thing. Style says he looks like he plays around. He doesn't say that he is someone who plays around. In fact, he is quite offended by the implication that he's a player which is evident from his question "What kind of man do you take me for?" as well as his annoyed and skeptical tone when he responds to Kant's claims of Style being a player in episode 1. Style is not that kind of man that sleeps with someone and then ditches them. And he'll get offended if you try to imply that he is. And if you do that to him, if you sleep with him and ditch him after, then you will have a problem. That's literally his plot of episode 4.

Style loves romance (as we learn in episode 8 and we see proof of again in the first scene of this very episode) and Style wants to be in a relationship, which to me just makes it more obvious that Style doesn't really sleep around. Because a life of one-night-stands isn't exactly very romantic and it's also the complete opposite of the life with a boyfriend that Style wishes for. And so it's interesting that Style was never in a relationship before Fadel came along. Because Style so clearly wants to be in a relationship, wants to have someone by his side. And in episode 5 we learn that Style wants to choose who he is with for himself, but the reveal that Style has actually never had a boyfriend before Fadel highlights just how picky Style really is. Style dreams of a relationship, but he's not desperate to be in a relationship so that he'd date just anyone. Because if he had been desperate for a relationship, he could have easily gone along with his dads antics of setting his son up with a random mechanic. But Style refused to go along. Because Style is picky about who he is with. And before Fadel, there was no one Style deemed worthy or interesting enough to want to pursue a relationship with them. But Fadel is worthy and interesting enough for Style to want to pursue a relationship with him. And not just that, Style fights tooth and nail to keep this relationship.

No. 12: Torn Apart

The 24 hours are up and the gang meets with Captain Christ for the brother' arrest. Fadel turns to Style for a few words of goodbye, which include: "Don't drive too fast. Don't drive when you've been drinking, and don't be on your phone." This, of course, is a callback to the very first time they met and their very first conversation. I wonder if Style has told Fadel by now that their first few meetings were really a coincidence and actually didn't have anything to do with Kant at all.

Style also has a few words to say to Fadel. Style is concerned and worried about Fadel, but even though they're about to separate, Style is still holding it together at this point. His voice is steady and there aren't any tears in his eyes. Kant and Bison also say their goodbyes and after Captain Christ says "Time to go" and with that Fadel getting ripped away starts to become real, that's when Style makes a pained face and starts to tear up. But he immediately bites his tears back again as he turns to look at Fadel.

It hurts so much, but Style is being so brave about it. However, we can tell that he's very much not okay right now. He sniffs a little when he nods after Bison tells him to take care of Kant. Then Bison tells him to make sure Kant eats properly. Style replies "Mhm. I'll keep an eye on him" and he's smiling, but his breathing betrays him as well as his shaky voice when he goes "Mhm" before he starts speaking. But he's still staying strong. He looks miserable when he looks at Fadel, but he's still holding back the tears. And he keeps holding back his tears while he watches Fadel get arrested and taken away.

When the police car is gone, Kant turns to Style and asks him if he's alright. Style nods and sighs as if he's breathing out all the tension and it looks like he almost smiles a little. But the truth is that as much as he wants to believe he's okay and as much as he thinks he's okay and that he's got this... Style is very much not okay. And it's over the moment they sit down. Style can no longer keep the brave face up.

(Sorry, quick side tangent, but the fact that he's still wearing the Heart Burger pin in this scene absolutely shatters my heart into a million pieces.)

In episode 5 Kant told him "Once those two get arrested, we walk free" and back then Style shook his head because that wasn't how he'd imagined his happy ending. And now it actually happened. Now Fadel got arrested. And it's potentially the worst pain that Style has felt since his mother's death. His loved one got taken away from him again and now Style is breaking. We've seen him cry before, but this time Style is full on sobbing. And it's absolutely devastating to see the one character who's the sunshine of the show, who is the beacon of hope and optimism, who always looks at the bright side of things, who's always happy and cheerful and joking around... it's absolutely devastating to watch this character fall apart like that. And it makes so much sense for Style to finally break. After all, he's human too. And he's been holding it together for so long, especially throughout this entire episode.

Style did get a little upset right after Captain Christ agreed to give them those 24 hours and Fadel did have to comfort him then, but after that Style spent most of the day being happy and cheerful, despite the separation looming over them all day. And I think he put on his happy face partly for himself, because that is how he deals with situations as he himself stated only a few scenes ago, but I think he also partly put on his happy face for Fadel. I think he wanted Fadel to spend his last hours of freedom being happy rather than worrying about Style. And it's also quite interesting that Style holds it together while Fadel is still in front of him and only breaks once Fadel is completely out of sight. Whenever we did see his sadness peak through the happy demeanor, it was usually when Fadel couldn't see it or when Fadel wasn't properly paying attention. I think Style wanted to give Fadel as little reason to worry about him as possible while stuck in prison and unable to reach out and do anything. I think he wanted to send Fadel off to prison with a (mostly) happy image of Style. But the happy image can only last for so long when there is so much pain underneath. And so the moment Style doesn't have to stay strong for somebody else, he breaks under the weight. He falls apart completely and it's the most heartbreaking thing, because this is just not the Style we are used to seeing. And on that joyful note, we get to wait another week for the final episode. Or rather my final meta of this meta series. Because the next episode is already out by the time I'm publishing this. Oops.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep12)

[bcacstuff]

With him in SF in early September I wonder if they'll shoot S8 without any break. They are filming the 6th episode, with 4 weeks/block=2 eps. + 1 week for all table reads they should be done by end of August. The end is near & 12 years in the making by the time S8 airs.

I received a number of these similar asks in the last weeks already but didn't get to answer it in the way I wanted (sorry for the delay)

First of all to avoid some confusion, as far as I know he said he was gonna receive the SWF Award at Top Shelf event in October! I don't know why people keep saying September?

Caitriona's movie The Amateur was scheduled to be released on November 8, 2024, however the release is delayed and will now be on April 11, 2025

source

I do (of course) not have a filming schedule, so the short answer on will they have a summer break is; I don't know.

But we can speculate and think about a few things I considered. No facts of course, purely speculation.

Previous seasons we always could find some little clues and hints from time to time during filming, but this season it's extra hard. I shared what I could about location, but it's not always clear if it concerns OL S8 or BOB. That goes also for the clues we often would find on IG from the crew, which it seems are switching being busy on both series. The cast from BOB posts more little hints and clues than the cast from OL. Sometimes the supporting characters do, like today Kieran Bew

Kieran Bew IGS 21 June 2024

I also considered that S7 part 2 might have been altered a bit from how it was originally planned. As we were wondering during filming of S7 that there was no Fersali on set. Lauren and Cesar both were busy on other projects. But lately we've seen them again in Glasgow, and I really wonder if they filmed some extra scenes we will see in S7 part 2. It's hard to imagine how the storyline about Claire returning to the US, Philadelphia for Henri Christian's health problems (Fergus and Marsali's child) could omit Fersali. So perhaps they added scenes to S7 part 2, hence the long delay for it? (I could be completely wrong but we will know when it airs and if we'll see Fersali in S7 part 2 we know)

Anyway, we don't know where S7 part 2 ends, but if we are still in 3 different time periods (which does look that way given Diarmaid (Buck) seems to work on S8 as well, I figure not all cast is always needed on set. I do think, well actually am quite sure, some already had some time off in May. So perhaps, depending on the characters needed they scheduled it that way that people can have a wee break. I do wonder though about crew members, but perhaps BOB, which already started filming earlier this year will be done by July or so, and crew can take a wee break as well.

As for Sam, I do have an idea why his schedule didn't fit the Highlander con in July... but I keep that for my self for now. When time comes I'll see if I was right about it or not.

[callmeajorallie]

I'm not sure why but ever since the internet was blessed/cursed with "Battle for Nightmare Moon" (Reminder I don't support Hypercrystal) It has consumed my brain to the point I have created an entire au based around it. For the longest time, I've wanted to share it, but at the beginning I was stopped by social awkwardness, followed by the Hypercrystal controversy & not wishing to be associated with him. But now that I've used Tumbler more, I've gotten more comfortable sharing this hyperfixation of mine & all the craziness that comes with it. Starting off, here's the general outline in regards to my take on bfnm (I have yet to figure out a name for my version of bfnm). 1. Time frame - Each season would be written to take place during the same time period as their respective bfdi season counterpart (ex. Season 1 - 2010/2012) 2. Gender - Yes, gender. Why? Well to go with the opposite theme, my dumbass brain decided to default gender-swap each character (With a few exceptions, e.i Winner) lest I decide otherwise. Now why am I mentioning this? Because various other takes on bfnm has the cast keep the gender the same as their bfdi counterpart, which sometime causes people to I guess correct me- but hey, these are open-source objects, nor was there confirmed genders. 3. Cast - You think I just limited myself to the opposites? Ha! Lol no. So before the whole Hyper drama (We'll get to that soon), I had planned to involve the characters from another video of his that were also open-sourced (e.i What if bfdi had new team members) as contestants because, like everything else, I could. 4. Hosts - Bringing up the drama again, before such, I decided to have Hypercrystal as a character, being the host. Why? Because every version of bfnm I saw had a mock announcer box of some sort so I wanted to be unique I guess (idk I'm thinking back like 9 months). Now, this hasn't changed in the slightest, for I have pre-planned too much to be ruined by drama, but also out of spite (The trauma I have prepared for this crystal ball). However, that's not the only crystal I've snatched (e.i the 100kly Object show contestants), recreated the assets & all because these goobers are too silly. Oh yeah, also the number hosts are negative versions of themselves (except x, bro became y).

Anyway with that out of the way & to follow up on it, we have my designed for the other crystals (The photo above is for reference- Also I tried to post these fools in a reblog of an earlier post of mine but the reblog wasn't reblogging so-) Brighter/Darker Crystal

Liarcrystal (4s lookin ahh)

My personal favorite; Spidercrystal

& Finally, Diapercrystal, who for the sake of bfnm my take has been redesigned & renamed to Cringecrystal

Why am I obsessed with these silly objects? I don't know, I just think they're neat & have an entire notebook dedicated to them, on other news & to finish to ramble off, take these character sheets I made for bfnm my take Watery & Steely before the Hyper controversy (I'll probably make new assets for the bfnm but we'll see if I can give enough effort to do that-)

(The gif isn't gifing I think-)

[reverie-starlight]

heloo saw ur req was open!

Can i req smth like a fic? (or hcs if u prefer) of mammon x gn reader!

Basically where reader is the type that enjoys horror movie and never flinches or might even laugh at some jump scare bcuz they think it’s horrible or funny! and mammon is like ‘what?? how r they laughing??!’ while he’s shivering and clutching a pillow like his life depends on it..

YES OFC I CAN THIS IS SO FUN!!! PERFECT FOR HALLOWEEN <3

(I hope you can forgive me for taking so long to post it, my plan is to schedule this to be released ON Halloween hehe)

also I don't watch a ton of horror movies, so I'll keep it kinda general, but I hope you enjoy anyway!!!!

gn!MC, pre-established relationship with mammon, takes place in OG obey me.

HALLOWEEN MOVIES WITH MAMMON

okay so

at first when you say you want to do a horror movie marathon with him, he's hesitant

yeah, human world horror might seem a bit lackluster for a demon, especially ones centered around possession or summoning- they might even see some as comedies if the execution was done poorly

but possession hits a bit too close to home for mammon, and he's never been a big fan of horror in general

you see him hesitate and before he has the chance to hide his feelings and force himself to agree, you give him an out

"hey, we don't have to if you don't want to... I just thought it might be fun since Halloween is coming up and it's a fun way to get into the spirit of it all. I won't force you, my love."

and he almost takes it.

but then he thinks about how you were probably really missing out on human world holiday traditions... and he sees the bit of disappointment you're trying (and succeeding for the most part- if he didn't know you as well as he did you would have fooled him) to hide

so with a deep breath, he sucks it up and shakes his head. "no, it's okay. we can totally do that! pick a time and place and we'll binge as many as ya want."

your eyes light up and you grin. "really?! thank you so much, mammon! I promise we'll start off with some easier ones and work our way up! I'll go make a list."

he doesn't regret his decision one bit and appreciates that you're being considerate of his feelings

until he realizes that your definition of "easy" horror movies didn't exactly align with his.

the first movie on the list was not "easy" at all, and at first he thought you were pulling his leg a bit

until he saw that you looked almost bored whenever there was a jump scare

it was almost embarrassing that he was clutching the pillow as tight as he was, but you were so focused on the movie that you didn't notice.

you did make sure to periodically check on him in between scenes and during bathroom breaks, but he didn't want you to feel bad, so he put on a brave face that seemed to sway you

he somehow made it through the first movie, and the second, but by time you were on the third (still in the "easy" category, you had said), he felt mildly sick to his stomach

during the movies, you had actually laughed during a few of the scary scenes.

how were you so desensitized to the horror genre?!

he usually admired your bravery, but this was a whole other level.

this third movie had to do with a zombie apocalypse, and you teased him, saying it reminded you of that haunted house you both got trapped in forever ago.

he tried to laugh with you, but at that moment the main character came into contact with one of the zombies and he wasn't able to hold back his scream since his guard was down

suddenly he was hiding his face in your shoulder, and shivering in your arms

poor baby starts apologizing and shaking his head when you pause the movie to check on him

"mammon have you been trying not to let on you were scared this whole time?!"

he tries to deny it but you give him a stern look and he sighs, nodding, starting to shake less now that the initial shock had worn off

"I just wanted to make you happy! I know how much you must miss human world halloween traditions and I wanted to make it feel more normal for ya..."

you smile at him and cup his cheek.

"mammon, that's sweet, but I'm literally in hell watching horror movies with my demon boyfriend, it doesn't get more halloween-y than that for a human," you giggle when he pouts and you lean down to kiss it away

"and if you were scared, you could have told me! we can watch something else, it's totally fine. it's no fun if only one of us is enjoying it."

he reluctantly agrees, still feeling bad for "ruining" your horror marathon (to which you reassure him that he didn't ruin anything, and then apologize for not realizing sooner).

so for the rest of the night you watch horror parodies (which are definitely more his speed) and cuddle up together under the blankets until you both fall asleep, thankfully nightmare free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY I really hope you enjoyed this, anon!!! and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

I tried to keep it as general as possible because horror movies really aren't my thing, but if you're interested in more spooky mammon content, I have a fluffy halloween fic coming later today (it may already be out depending on when you read this) and I promise the quality is a lot better than what I've offered here :')

[freevoidman]

The Pros and Cons of Silent Hill: Ascension

Hey there! Are you planning on sitting through Silent Hill Ascension, either because you're excited, want to build up hype/support for further Silent Hill projects, or maybe you're curious about what new shit show Konami's cooked up? Well, I've sat through the first two days, and let this post be a quick run-through on the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly about Silent Hill: Ascension!

Pros:

There's honestly very little, but I'll run through them nonetheless.

Voice Acting is, right now, okay. Some actors are clearly better than others. I have to give special shout-outs to Rachel Hernandez and Xavier Candless. They're both doing really well with their characters so far and I'm excited to hear how they'll act in more emotive scenes. Of course, we're only two days in so we'll see how that changes.

Silent Hill Ascension features minigames which average around "okay." I'll talk about it more in the 'Bad' section, but the good ones are fun little brain teasers that I find satisfying enough to solve. This is not across the board, but it's enough of a positive that I felt it okay to list.

The site is functional enough that the catch-up videos seemed to work without any hiccups (edit: so long as there isn't a livestream occurring at the same time. If you want to play catch-up 30 minutes before the new stuff is released, odds are the livestream will cut in and mess up your video). Plus, the grace period for decision making is very generous so far, ranging from a full 24 hours to multiple days, so they do give you enough time if you can't watch live.

Credit where credit is due: the monster/creature designs are genuinely well-made. You can clearly see where the budget went, and it was towards making these things look cool and be animated well enough to translate that creepy factor. While nothing is abundantly original right now (we've yet to see the flaming box head guy) I won't short-change the monster designers and animators here, they put effort into this.

There was a bit of misinformation spread around that you'd have to pay to participate. Thankfully, that's not true, you can "play" Ascension without paying a cent and I, personally, wouldn't call this a "pay-to-win" type of game with its set-up. In other words: DO NOT PAY, it's absolutely not worth it here.

Bad:

Animation quality shifts from middling to horrible. The main criticism I have for this "experimental idea" is that everything Ascension tries, the 2000s nailed long before. If you've ever seen one of those 3D straight-to-TV movies that airs on cartoon networks during the holidays, congrats, their animation is likely better and has more charm than Ascension. Characters in Ascension move stiffly, either emote too much or not enough, and lip syncing seems off no matter which language you pick. Animation in SH1 is easily better than this, so don't expect a visual spectacle.

As an addendum to this: Ascension is dark--no, not the content, it is literally hard to see. Going into a Silent Hill-adjacent media, you expect visibility to be impacted by fog. Ascension, on the other hand, skips the fog entirely and just makes everything dark. It is incredibly difficult to see anything that's happening (this includes QTEs which, hoo boy! look at the next segment for that). I don't want to be cynical, but I truly do believe that part of the reason why is to cover up the stiff animation. Until Dawn and other Dark Anthology games had some moments of animation weirdness, but Silent Hill Ascension is easily worse than that on a pure technical level.

App and website responsivity is baaad. Minigames are designed for both platforms with zero differences, but this means some minigames are better on desktop than on mobile and vice versa. Two minigames stand out as particularly mixed/bad: a find-the-object game and a guitar minigame. The find-the-object game was better on desktop because your hovering cursor could find clickable areas more easily than on mobile. The guitar minigame was just bad--it wasn't a rhythm game, it was a game where you had to click finger positions for chords on the guitar strings and, my god, it played horribly no matter which platform I picked (though mobile was noticeably worse) and actually hurt my ears.

As an addendum to that, the live QTE events (yes that's a thing) ALSO suffer from this lack of responsivity, with more destructive results. Live participants were abruptly thrust into QTEs with no warning, no tutorials, and no preparation. There were 4 types of QTEs: a quick button press, a hold-release button, a rapid-tap, and a quick swipe. Of these, only the hold-release and rapid-tap worked regularly. The quick press barely responded, and the swipe indicator is practically hidden due to it being borderline invisible.* While you can try the minigames over and over as much as you want, the QTEs are limited to the live showings and cannot be "replayed." In addition, they have been heavily implied to be a major determining factor as to whether or not characters survive, so if every character's fate is based on successful QTEs, every character is going to die in this show, no matter what you do. This is why I said it's not pay-to-win, you can't pay your way through live QTEs, and this set-up feeds into the unsatisfactory system the entire "game" perpetuates. Even if YOU do well, decisions are based on the community, so if they fail, tough nugs.

The story isn't shaping up to be anything remarkable. There's no major hook in the opening scene and even less of a hook for the three scenes that followed. I'm not intrigued by the "horror" being shown, the way this is being shot and told is more confusing than anything else and, while there are some 'good' actors in this, a majority of them are bad and lack any hutzpah to sell the continued experience. I'm going to hold out for the end of the week, when the first "episode" is done airing, but if nothing hooks me I'm not going to continue.

Ugly:

The "Battlepass." Oh dear god the Battlepass. By paying $20, you can get more "influence points," which you can use to determine actions in this game. You also get exclusive little emote stickers for the live chat (oof) that are, at best, a cringey nightmare and, at worst, absolutely stupid and useless. You also get accessories for your avatar (did I mention there's an avatar? it's so pointless I don't even know WHERE to put that tidbit). Why is this even here? You already have freemium options where you can buy influence points, what does a battlepass add?

The "live chat" just shouldn't be there. I'm sorry, it shouldn't. You can already see the community casting votes and helping with QTEs, having a live chat that is barely moderated with hundreds of thousands of people signing on at 9 to watch the stupidity unfold is a bad idea. It also contributes to the stupidity of the Battlepass system--I don't want emotes, I don't want a 3D avatar that can appear in the show if I give enough points--so nix the whole thing. EDIT 11/1/2023: I kinda got my wish! After the amazing lack of moderation on launch, they've either temporarily OR permanently disabled the live chat! Unfortunately, the video's dimensions to compensate FOR live chat have not been altered, so there's a big gap of black negative space where it should be. People can only reply with the dumb stickers the devs have shoved into this, BUT if you have the battlepass, you can apparently type messages! Ironically, this retroactively gives the battle pass an actual fucking purpose since it gives you a privilege, and the stickers serve a purpose since they're the only way for non-battlepassers to communicate in live chat. Fucking brilliant, they've stumbled backwards into an unintentional solution. EDIT 11/4/2023: Genvid's CEO, Jacob Navok, has made various claims on twitter that of course they tested they tested their AI moderation for basic slurs, it's just that the system got overwhelmed by day 1 traffic. Well, I absolutely DON'T believe that (the testing, not the overwhelmed thing, connection and stability were terrible day 1) seeing as people are getting around not being able to TYPE swearing and horrific racial slurs into chat by simply making their usernames swears and slurs without any letter substitution (a la leetspeak). Here is a link to a video of someone who was streaming Ascension and had the chat open, only to see have someone with the user name "Fuck_[n-word]s" in chat (I'm not typing the actual slur fuck that). When he goes to try and flag the user, he is given no ability to report the username. So, yeah, even if you see some incredibly racist/bigoted shit, you can't flag the user and report them to, y'know, assist with the absolutely real robot-powered moderation that totally exists! If there was the most BASIC moderation in the world to catch english swears and slurs, that username would not have been permitted under any circumstances, so I fully do not believe this fucker.

The decisions themselves shouldn't have labels. What I mean by that is that, so far, every option has three possible options. These options are labelled under three categories: redemption, suffering, and damnation. In other words, the watcher can literally see the paths leading towards the "good, neutral, and bad" endings for Ascension. This shouldn't be a thing, period, because it immediately introduces biases into your choices. Every option so far has been massively skewed towards the "redemption" path because people aren't blind, they can see the "good" ending on the horizon, and they want to go for it. The worst part is, the options on their on aren't explicitly good or bad, so if they got rid of that labeling it'd still work. idk, it just feels stupid. (NOTE: day 2 introduced ONE choice that doesn't have this same labeling system. No clue if that's a bug or if there are going to be decisions that don't have a label. Even then, it seems like a small decision in the overall scheme of things, so... :shrug:)

Yes, the decisions are permanent, thus denying you the ability to see 2/3s of whatever Genvids has worked on. I just think that's dumb and, though many in the community have criticized this already, it feels even dumber when watching the show play out live. There's no way that the money Ascension could possibly make would subsidize the effort put into this if you're effectively nixing 2/3s of anything you can see (and it does seem like major alterations to the characters and their routes so far, nothing minor, so... yeah, you're missing out on a LOT). This also means that because of the audience effectively being enticed to pick the clearly labelled "good path," if you put any effort into a different choice, odds are you wasted your time with minigames for the day. This means Ascension is set up to be as unsatisfying as possible for individuals, and only satiates half of the community engaging with it. There is no way this is going to last the entire scheduled 6 months this is intended to run for if this is the system they're operating under.

In conclusion: give this one a pass. If you're really curious, you can watch now and get a good idea of its future quality. This isn't remarkable at all and looks more like a time sink than anything "fun."

I still don't understand why this isn't a video game, other than Konami hoping some suckers will pay for the influence packs and get them more money than a $60 one-time-purchase. Quantic Dreams and Supermassive "Dark Anthology" games are really fun and well-liked because of the CYA angle they take. This could've made a decent amount of money if it were just, y'know, a normal game.

*MINOR EDIT: tested the QTEs on desktop instead of mobile and they were better overall: prompts respond easily to mouse clicks and aren't nearly as invisible on my phone screen compared to my desktop. If you are REALLY interested in trying it live and getting a feel of the "authentic, live experience", I'd recommend accessing the site on desktop over downloading a mobile app.

EDIT 11/2/2023

Yeah I know I keep editing this honestly BUT I do have a big-ass critique I just noticed relating, again, to the minigames.

Here is a screenshot of the rewards you can receive for your performance with the minigames. You are rated on a scale of 1-3 stars, with a failure being 0 stars. In return for your performance, you gain "Interactive Points" and EXP. Tell me, after looking at this screenshot, what the problem with these rewards might be:

Do you see it? Well, if you don't, let me point it out to you.

THE AMOUNT OF INTERACTIVE POINTS YOU RECEIVE, THE CURRENCY YOU USE TO ACTUALLY MAKE DECISIONS AND PROPERLY CONTRIBUTE TO THE STORY, GOES DOWN IF YOU DO WELL AT THE MINIGAMES. THE GAME ACTIVELY PUNISHES YOU FOR PLAYING WELL.***

100 interactive points, by the way, is not enough to vote on a decision! You need 200 minimum. You also cannot repeatedly play the minigames to farm IP or EXP so, once you get two stars, you can't get the rewards for three or vice versa. And remember, if you're not a battlepasser, you only get two of these minigames per day.

Why on earth is it scaled this way? The difference between two stars and three stars is the exact same, why does it not increase when you do the minigames well? 100 for one star, 200 for two, 300 for three, it's so god damn easy AND you can still keep the scummy interactive point packages they sell!

But, I here you asking, what does the EXP do? Well, ignoring that a 10 EXP difference is exceeding minimal, EXP gives you... nothing!

Yeah, not even kidding with this one. There does seem to be a leveling system attached to your profile, but I cannot see a single thing connecting it to rewards (which are across the board useless), giving you a power boost with your voting, or just giving you perks. As far as I'm aware, EXP doesn't grant you a god damn thing, and that's the only increased reward from doing well.

***CORRECTION (because nothing in my life can ever be simple): the minigames DO reward you better than the screenshot above. Just did today's minigames and I got 330 IP from a 2 star ranking. However, if that's the case, I GENUINELY do not understand why this is labelled incorrectly? This doesn't even add up correctly (the 1 star + 2 star ranking should equal 300, NOT 330).

So, at best, the site is poor at labelling things (which wouldn't surprise me, the UI is a mess most days on this) OR my view of the site/rewards are bugged! Who fuckin' knows at this point. Sorry for the long rant y'all but honestly? Considering I only noticed the labelling earlier today and couldn't test this until the reset happened, I could only go off the labelled point system above.

I WILL say that tonight was the first night the community succeeded at the endurance scenes! I'd be happier about that if the game itself gave a shit, because apparently, what we do does not matter (as this game seems rapt with telling us)

Yes folks, despite the community succeeding two (2!) of these long ass, repetitive QTE events, for some fucking reason, Karl's hope went down further! This is, again, despite the fact that the community AT LARGE succeeded for the first time since the premiere date, but we still lost! Fucking how.

[lhs3020b]

The General Election Fallout Post

Hello again; I, uh, forgot to visit Tumble Dot Com for a bit.

Anyway, I'm back. For now, at least.

And yes, Election Day has been and gone. So let's start with some anti-Tory schadenfreude: ROFL, LMAO, LOL, get fucked, idiots. Good riddance, rust in pieces, you will not be missed.

Unfortunately, the overall political picture is - well, let's be honest, for a massive anti-Tory defeat it's ended up more bleak than I would have considered likely.

Unfortunately, the Tories didn't quite collapse in the way I hoped - they had a very bad night, but they're still the official Opposition, so the party will survive as a corporate entity. And that means we'll probably get it back at some point, which I'm not exactly thrilled about.

Meanwhile Labour managed to produce the most flimsy landslide anyone's ever seen. I say flimsy because actually, they took fewer votes than they did in 2019 - remember how our good friends the wise and all-knowing centrists assured us that that was a true sin unto the ages, and we should all hang our heads in shame and never be seen in public again? Yeeeeaaaaah. Your boy Keith did worse, guys. Meanwhile, Labour's fraction of the actual vote-that-was-cast was ... actually not great, either, at 34%. While he won, it's clear he's not loved.

Yes, that's right, their performance is barely a percentage-point better than 2019. And, uh, about 10 percentage-points down on what the Very Serious And All-Knowing Opinion Pollsters claimed it would be. So yes, there's been another fuckie-wuckie from the pollsters; unfortunately, as they technically got the headline result right (if none of the details), I suppose they'll get away with it :(

(Rewards for failure; it's very on-brand for the 2020s, isn't it?)

The only reason last night's landslide happened was because the Tory 2019 voter-coalition disintegrated (though, not as far as the pollsters claimed it would - honestly, we're overdue a period of silence from those guys).

In fairness yes, Labour get to form a government and yes they have a huge majority. But, what they pulled off yesterday will only work once - there will be no second Tory collapse - and their economic plans in particular have some ticking timebombs under them. A hint: what if the GDP Growth Fairy doesn't visit these sceptred isles after all ... ? How will Starmer's leadership ratings cope once their fiscal rules force them to deliver another austerity budget? What will they cut? What public services or government departments will simply stop?

TBH I wouldn't be even slightly surprised if, even one year in the future, Starmer's ratings and his party's have imploded. Yes, I'm fallible and I could be wrong, maybe they'll land another massive landslide in 2029 - but I'm worried about the future.

This brings us to Reform, Nigel Farage's latest vanity vehicle/puppet party-shaped object.

Unfortunately, a lot of the ex-Tory vote went to Reform UK, and if there was any question that Refuck are actual full-fat fascists, then I think the recent mini-scandal put paid to that. (For those who don't know, some Refuck activists were recently caught on camera by Channel 4 News, literally calling for asylum seekers to be machine-gunned, demanding a police pogrom against LGBTQ people, and so on. In as many words. No dog whistles, no coded remarks or anything like that. It was literally - and horrifyingly - what it sounded like. A call for deliberate, directed State violence against minority groups. Centrists, please, if you can't see that for what it is, then please consider why that might be!)

So, given that Refuck have won 5 seats, we now have actual, unambiguous fascists in Parliament. And that was something that had never quite happened before - our politics could often be an awful cesspit but even during the worst parts of the post-2016 crisis we hadn't quite tipped off that ledge.

Not now. Yay us, I guess?

You can tell I'm not enjoying this post anywhere near as much as I wanted to, can't you?

Anyway, fuck the Tories, fuck their ex-MPs, fuck their remaining ones and as for the people who still voted for them in spite of everything, honestly, what's wrong with you? (Seriously - why? What do you see in them? They've done nothing for you. They spent lockdown pissed on expensive wine and laughing at you. Why are you still supporting them?)

The other news is that the Lib Dems are back. They've done a surprisingly-efficient job of turning votes into seats - in fact it looks like they barely wasted any votes anywhere, and so have managed to get from 12 seats to 71 - yes, 71! - while taking only about 12% of the vote. Well, credit where it's due, I suppose. And much as I will never forgive the Coalition for setting us onto the path of ruin that we're on, nonetheless during the campaign Ed Davey was the only person who actually seemed to be enjoying himself. It seems to have worked out - the LDs have had their best election result since the 1920s.

If you want to look for some (possible) rays of light in this mess ... well, the Green Party did relatively well. Their vote went up, and they now have four MPs, vserus 1 in the previous Parliament. (Full disclosure: I voted Green. I don't think they're perfect, I'm not a stan, but Sir Keith's "changed" Labour Party has obvious contempt and loathing for people like me so ... fine? We'll go our separate ways, then.) Much to my surprise, they came second in my constituency, which I genuinely hadn't expected. Apparently my vote was less wasted than usual, it would seem. And the Greens' growth happened in spite of them being resolutely ignored by the entire print and broadcast media, so apparently they don't need the media to keep making progress. It is possible that their growth could continue, and maybe another election-cycle might give us back a semi-worthwhile left-of-center opposition party ... but here I am committing the Sin of Optimism, aren't I?

Also, well, lots and lots of Tories are miserable today. Grant Shapps has had a case of the slaps, Rees-Mogg has been time-warped back to the 18th Century (honestly he'll probably be happier there, it's for the best for everyone) and Liz Truss got yeeted feet-first into the Sun. (Sorry, Sol.)

Also a lot of bootlicking newspaper opinion columnists are having a proper meltdown today, and that is genuinely funny. They certainly deserve no sympathy.

So yeah, the overall picture is a) good riddance to Sunak, b) fuck the Tories and c) oh dear goodness, it's somehow all still a mess.

[thetirisfaltheatretroupe]

A Brief Announcement & Holiday Wishes

Salutations, everyone! Atos with the Tirisfal Theatre here, hoping you're all warm and well - unless you're TOO warm, in which case, cool off a little. At the previous event we'd appeared at we announced something for mid November. Obviously, that did not happen, which is why nothing was announced here regarding any shows. We hit a small snag with scheduling, so we've decided to go full-in on our 'off season'. For those of you new to this blog, the troupe, etc., our off-season is just a short period of about 3 months where we don't actively schedule shows unless our crew feels like throwing something together, so that we can focus on one of the busiest times IRL and get some material ready for the coming year.

Rest assured we have something nice for everyone already in the works for mid to late February, and a ton of ideas we're discussing in our discord.

Which reminds me, our public Discord server is also nearing completion, and will be ready to roll out very soon. You'll be able to join up, view event postings, communicate with the troupe more easily for events or just banter, and we plan to introduce music, sound effects and, in the future, voiceover work for our shows as well once we're ready. When we feel the Discord is all prepped and set, we'll make a post here about it so you can all join up! We realize that keeping a unified place to have all information up to date is important. We're (read: "I am") still getting used to updating all of our avenues of advertisement and announcement. There's just so much more than there was 10 years ago to keep up with, sheesh. Now apparently there's a new Twitter type of thing? ...er..X or whatever they call it. Anyway, back on topic, we'll still be appearing at a few things during these few months. There's some events that, as the time approaches for them, we'll be sure to announce it here. We still enjoy doing appearances and smaller scale shows or supplementary entertainment, so if you have an event you'd like to see us at, give us a shout! A reminder that you can message myself in-game (Atos-Wyrmrest Accord), send me a message on Discord ( .gla, or GrandLordAtos), or even message me here on our blog! We hope this holiday season is as stress free as it can be, and wish you plenty of good cheer! <3 Stay safe, folks, and see you all again soon! PS.: If anyone has been interested in joining us, just a reminder, we're always looking for awesome people to perform with <3

[a-strange-server]

Hi! thanks a lot for organizing Strange Tales Of Halloween 2024, I'm stoked! This'll be a dumbish question related to that. I have something written for Friday 18 October for the Event (and some plans for one more day). It's clear from the FAQ that I should preferably wait until the 18th to publish it. What does this mean in terms of places? Like: first to AO3, then with link to tumblr, then with link to the server? Thanks a lot! I know you are not disappointed by the question but... sorry :).

Hi! I’m glad our event inspired you! We’re very excited as well 🎶. And no worries, your question is perfectly fine! 🦋

Waiting for the 18 october would be the best indeed (the wait will be worth it, promise). 😁

We do not really have an 'order' preference between posting on Ao3 / tumblr / link on discord. You can make a post tumblr first, or you can publish it on ao3 first. As long as it's the 18th october, the place doesn't really matter. If you wish to only post on one of the websites, that's possible too!

For ao3, don't forget that you can add it to the event collection! For tumblr, the best is that you mention @a-strange-server so that we can find your post easily, but during the period of the event we'll also be checking the tag #strangehalloween2024 regularly.

Your tumblr post can also look however you wish as long as it either contain your story or a clear link towards your story.

I hope this answered your question 💖. If that's not the case, or if you have another doubt, don't hesitate to contact us back. We’re super excited to see your creation!! ✨️

[h0neysuckleblue]

fem!William cosplay

In honor of sherliam week 2023, I'm gonna start posting about my plans for a hopefully historically-accurate cosplay of William! :D

i'm planning on designing 4 outfits: professor, noblewoman day wear, noblewoman evening party wear, and traveling wear. I'm probably going to be actually making one of the first two or both. I could also throw in a teagown, loc outfit (though i honestly think it would just be the same as canon anyways?), sleepwear, specific design for undergarments, etc, but we'll see if i'm still interested in that later

when I first came up with the idea sometime in july or august, because i am such a historical costume girly, i was like, so i would do a male one except i know that i would never wear it outside of the cosplay, which would be a waste of my money and limited energy. So, i decided to just do a female adaptation of his canon character design and made a ~1878-1879 corset, with plans to make combinations (for that sweet sweet in-character practicality), corset cover, etc. Then, as i was working on the design, i ended up coming up with a whole au/justification for an actual female ver. of william that was publicly known in-universe as a woman who identified as such with the og william also being publicly known as a girl, because if he was still a boy, then f!william would have had to cross-dress. Also, if anything i'm saying is irl historically wrong, i'm literally begging for you to tell me and forward resources about what im wrong about.

So, essentially, in the 1860-70's, specifically including ~1876 - 1879, there doesnt seem to be as much popularity towards women being highly educated through universities or being teachers at universities as it is in the later victorian era, though there already has been precedent set for a couple decades of women graduating from college. So, if a female william (f!william for short) was a well-off and decently mid-high ranking noble lady from a family with an earl/count title, it could be presumed that trying to be a "perfect noble" (wo)man would not involve being more noticeably progressive in such an eye-catching manner. However, considering that in canon william doesnt try to downplay his intelligence at all publicly, given that he is known as a mathematical genius who graduated and became a professor at a very unusually young age, even f!william would probably be stubborn enough to fully go for it and achieve the same results, with a lot more opposition from strangers. Admittedly, a woman would not have been allowed to attend Eton, because it's all-boys, and being titled a professor means that you've been hired as a professor at a university, and i imagine it'd be hard to get a bunch of likely sexist-ass old men to hire a young woman as a professor, but let's say she did manage to do it, especially with the backing of a respectable noble family name. So that means she's a ~19 y/o publicly-known-as-21 y/o to ~23 y/o publicly-known-as-25 y/o who is going to be starting to teaching mostly young men, who are almost entirely well-off to noble status, in ~1874-1878. That's the tail-end of the first bustle era and in 1876 the natural form era starts until early 1880's. So i looked at a lot of fashion plates and extant garments from this general time period to get a sense of both eras to design a dress that was first made during the first bustle era to be fashionable to that time that was then retailored to fit the natural form era's fashionable silhouette but also not being too fashion-forward since i dont think she would try to keep up with that more than necessary as it isnt her priority, because it's possible, even likely, for f!william to be more practical/frugal by choosing to have an "older" outfit retailored to fit a new era's style than have an entirely new outfit made. Side-note, there is practically no way to pass off the button-up shirt collar design as a historically-accurate fashionable lady's collar, so dont @ me about that. Currently, this is the design i've settled on for the professor design, which would be worn while teaching at Durham uni and possibly also as daywear on the days she has to go to work there.

the dominating collar scheme for all the daywear options is brown, and while i could have used more red in accordance with the canon red tie and eyes, i again know that my wardrobe doesnt do red, so that wasnt really a choice in terms of the main body of the dresses if i want to be able to wear any of it normally. This one also needs to have the color layer updated. For the professor outfit, I was keeping in mind a relatively simple/modest design- for a noble lady- but especially in the back where male students would probably see a lot of (since she would be also writing on the blackboard), because anything too complicated or eye-catching could be "distracting". i didnt want to make it too modest because the students and coworkers are also of similar social class to f!william, so there is some expectation of dressing well for her station but also not being too distracting for the young male students :/ i'm still considering toning the design down more, but im not sure how....

this is what i have for the normal noble lady daywear, hopefully appropriate year-round because i dont feel like designing a new outfit for like all 4 seasons. since it was by far more fashionable for women to wear brighter/lighter colors (usually more adorned by trims in matching/accenting solids rather than patterns for any time of year) during this time if it wasn't winter, in which case it would be dark but still rich colors, i made the browns a lot lighter to compensate for the fact that i'm trying to a. keep close to canon design and b. again, i want to be willing to actually wear it normally, so no reds or pinks as a main part. the big red ribbon will just be tacked on lightly so i can take it off when i'm not cosplaying. I also try to incorporate more of the pressed pleats trims as a nod to william's whole thing about perfectionism, precision, and preparation, as well as him being a math nerd, but like that also ties into the... 3 P's?? so *shrugs*. I also just love the trains of the natural form era so of course I had to add that here, where i can go wildly unpractical, in comparison to the professor one, which does have to account for a good bit of walking by foot across campus and possibly through town. this is also subject to change, but i like to think it's mostly set in stone here.

i also designed a black coat as a noblewoman adaptation of the one william wears in canon, which you can see him wearing when he and albert are at adam whitely's park opening speech. I'm not entirely sure about the exact nature and design of the embellishments, but its probably going to be some amalgamation of beadwork and embroidery. i'm actually also going to be making this, straight up because i want a black coat anyways lol. too bad it's not in time for this years winter. i didnt actually draw out the design for the hat but i was planning on a black base hat with brown and red decorations to tie it to any of the daywear clothes, including the coat, and maybe with a sheer white veil in the back? that was in fashion like during at least the mid 1870's. I'm also adapting the cane to an umbrella/parasol. while it'd make more sense to be a delicate litle parasol, i already have a normal-sized black umbrella with a silver metal handle, so that's like a perfect prop that mimics the dark wood cane with a metal handle that william uses in canon, though my umbrella doesn't have a sword hidden in it haha.

also, as a fun aside, in 1873, there was a brief trend for women to wear a ribbon choker that tied in the back with long tails as an evening wear accessory. so this is a sketch of a painting's outfit, dont remember the name though, that was painted in that year. Correction, I just saw that I wrote it down and its name is “Too Early”. I couldn't help but think up a fun little au of an au where f!william, who would be 18 y/o publicly-known-as-20 y/o, was at a ball and sherlock, male or female? (though i think a female sherlock would be kind of weird considering his canon bias that women are emotional, not as logically intelligent, and delicate :/), was also dragged there by mycroft or something when he decided?? to briefly visit england instead of presumably??? staying at whatever college he was studying at in paris. So, i was originally thinking that it would be such a cool image of sherlock lightly grabbing the tail ends of a red ribbon choker that f!william was wearing with a similar vibe as that sherliam manga vol. 14 cover art, as william turns to look over her shoulder at sherlock. But then, i obviously had to justify it to myself, so i came up with the whole above scenario and i guess they ended up meeting and becoming interested in each other a la canon but earlier and at some point in the night, william was teasingly staying (physically) one step ahead of sherlock and the image is when sherlock finally managed to catch william.

so i guess i'll post updates as i go? i'm definitely estimating this to be a year(s)-long project, considering all the research, patterning, and sewing i'll be doing. i'm also planning on doing a photoshoot with the cosplay when i'm done, so i'll be posting those whenever i have them ready.

edit: I just briefly skimmed a little of the history of female scholars, and apparently the first one to become a professor during the Victorian era is credited to Edith Morley, in 1908 at the age of 33, though there were some other women who also attended a male-dominated college around the same time as her in the 1890’s. Thus, for f!william to have been able to get that professorship or even attend and graduate from a college with a proper degree ~1869-1873, that would have been seen as even more extremely radical, which would have made her stick out in high society in a way that would make it harder to convince targets like lord Enders that she was similarly elitist and a “proper” noblewoman. She also would have had to convince both count Rockwell, her guardian, and the college itself to allow her to attend at ~14 y/o publicly-known-as-16 y/o and maybe even graduate with a proper degree, probably through a lot of machinations on her part, not to even mention being a professor. The only advantage to be found is that she’s seen as a noble, so there is some influence to exert to match male-dominated college chairs.

[daz4i]

You should self-ship on main more, I'm 100% here for it. In the interest of fostering that, a few questions to ponder (or like. Elaborate if you've said it somewhere and I just don't recall lol):

Would y'all have the "Oh" moment? Who and how and all that jazz~

Is there cuddling? How's the cuddling?

How would y'all's first date go? Would it be an official date, or would there later be the, "wait we're dating aren't we?" moment?

Who fell first and who fell harder?

What was the pining process like? A long time, or just going for it once someone realizes?

Big romantic gestures or little acts of love?

Asking with Nikolai in mind but feel free to elaborate on others too 👀 And no pressure on anything obviously!

~☄️

I love self-shipping and seeing others do it as well 🥰

oooooo these are so good 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

1. nah! we're both too stubborn to admit smth like that even to ourselves i think. it's either obsession at first sight or denial forever 👍

2. ofc 😌 it's. messy i think :P going from nothing to the tighest clutching ever like our lives depend on it with limbs entangled in ways that shouldn't be anatomically possible. and then back to nothing after a few minutes. maybe some limbs still tied together like earphones you leave in a purse

3. oh absolutely not knowing it's a date :P if we go by my bsdsona i feel like our dates would be committing crimes anyway, less as a planned thing more in the heat of the moment. in our world tho, i actually can't figure out how we'll start, but it for sure won't be an actual date. i think it'd be funny if it's like going out with 2 friends who are a couple and are trying to set us up together without telling us, so they take us on double dates disguised as casual hangouts. actually that's a good one i decided this is how we'll be in a modern au. but instead of us realizing we're dating someone else will ask us and we will keep saying no, while acting like a couple. keep em on their toes (<- never had The Talk bc what's the point of labels and limits)

4. first? probably me 😩 (i'm like incapable of seeing someone as anything but platonic after a p short time so. it's near-instant or nothing) but i think nikolai would fall harder. like we just saw how he acts with fyodor after having like 2 conversations with him 😭 once i get him to like me i think he'll be ride or die

5. no pining ✨️ we're both direct i think :P just going for it immediately 🔥

6. big romantic gestures! i don't think we'll be very good as a casual domestic couple, there's a reason why i post abt us doing fucked up shit all the time lol. it'll be intense and short (not in a breakup way. if you catch my drift) so it really is all about the big acts 👀

(to get somewhat deep abt that last one. i always think my main f/o at any time is what i need in life during that period. and nikolai embodies fun and intensity and chaos to me, just being interesting and unexpected, bc i am. so bored. which is why we're less of a normal romantic couple and more of a chaotic duo uwu casual small romance may be nice but not right now and not with him)

👁👁 that comment at the end. i take it you have self ships too? 👀 who are your f/os!

[bklynmusicnerd]

First I would like to say that I find your responses to be well thought out and insightful and I appreciate the time and effort you take in crafting them.

That said, after today's reconciliation, and Trina putting her foot down, where do you think this storyline is headed?

Based on your use of "today" I'm guessing I'm a couple of days late seeing this, so sorry for the late response (blame it on holiday week shenanigans).

First of all, thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate them.

Now onto where I think the Trina and Spencer stuff is headed and, well, all signs point to POUND TOWN (I'm so sorry).

No but Spencer attempting to sex his way to redemption aside, I've been thinking a bit about the current arc for Trina and Spencer, especially in the aftermath of the New York stuff, because it feels a lot more intentionally written than the post-Greenland "arc".

In a lot of ways, the New York trip was like a "happily ever after". After two years of obstacles and miscommunication, Trina and Spencer finally express their love for each other. If this were a rom com, they'd roll the credits after the New York trip. But this is not a rom com, this is a soap, the story keeps going.

So now the story is no longer "Does Spencer love Trina?" or "Does Trina love Spencer?" They love each other, that's settled. They're in their "what now?" phase:

Like the classic ending in "The Graduate," there's all this uncertainty between Trina and Spencer. The only certain thing between them is that they love each other. They defeated all these external obstacles but are still dealing with the internal ones. I feel like the current arc for Trina and Spencer as a pairing is rooted in this idea of "is love enough?". For Spencer, that's a quick "yes". He thought everything was settled after New York and that any and all problems would wash away because they love each other.

For Trina, it's more complicated. She's not dreamy like Spencer, she's very grounded and forward thinking. All New York did for Trina was give her the confidence to take the idea of a future with Spencer seriously for the first time and then Spencer sort of screwed that up with his demon spawn spiral.

So I think a lot of this reconciliation era is going to be Spencer eagerly wanting to prove to Trina again that she can count on him because there's damage to her trust in him right now. I also see Spencer possibly clinging to his relationship to Trina more, both because he almost lost her and also as a way to distract him from the demon spawn of it all.

I'm sure we'll get a reaction from the sociopathic mooch as her plan to get Spencer to chase her backfires again thanks to Trina but I really don't give a shit about her redundant ass anymore so 🤷🏿‍♀️.

I'm hoping during this time that in between all the holiday sex, Spencer starts thinking about his own future and who he wants to be beyond Nik's son/Trina's boyfriend. This is what Trina was getting at with the "five year plan" stuff. Her passion makes her naturally excited for the future in a way that Spencer isn't, and that's something they have to sort through.

I do think this all has to culminate in some sort of reunion between Spencer and Nik because Nik looms over all of this and Spencer facing his issues with his father is too significant to his arc to not be dealt with.

But yeah, in general, I think the reconciliation arc is going to be about Spencer trying to prove to Trina that he was serious about them being an "us". The ball is really in his court since we know that Trina has landed on the decision that she won't drown with him on the basis of "true love."

Spencer put Trina back into a "one foot out the door" headspace, thinking those days were over and he could do/say whatever because she admitted she loves him. It's up to him to get her out of self-preservation mode and trusting him again. So for now, I'm thinking tentative holiday-based honeymoon period with the angst over their internal obstacles still looming over things.

[manapotionstudios]

DelaneyPost 05 (ManaPost 12) - The Title Matches The Date

Bonjour tous les gens! Welcome BACK to your #1 ManaPotion Information Station! This week was full of some great developments! From Movement to Monsters! Stay tuned for today's debrief.

Schmoovin!

You May have felt a sort of stiffness in the videos that we share with you all. Controlling The Laney was a little stiff and not super rewarding to control. Well, to remedy this, we've added two brand new moves!

The Swing Recovery

Introducing the Swing Recovery! Simply push the spacebar while Delaney is in her attacking animation to get a burst of speed in the direction of her swing and get 2x movement speed for 1 second. Useful for quickly getting around The Manor, or tossing some lighter enemies all over the grid!

The Launch Recovery

Also introducing the Launch Recovery! If you're skilled enough to keep up with Delaney's ludicrous speed during her launch time, you can hold your control keys in the same direction she is traveling as she ends her launch to get a boost of MORE 2x movement speed for 3 seconds! Really helpful in a pinch!

More General Improvements

We've also added a few "Inertial" mechanics to Delaney's controller. For one, we've added Autotargeting functionality to some hammers. These hammers will make Delaney face your cursor as she swings. Hammers that don't have this functionality will instead use Delaney's current facing angle to give her a push in the right direction!

We've also given Delaney a small bit of velocity towards the cursor while she's spinning her hammer! All of this was thanks to a Major refactor of Delaney's Character Controller script! brought down a third of the size of the last one, and runs way faster! Yeahoo!!!

With the minor improvements out of the way, lets talk about the heavy hitters of this week's post:

Monsters! (Eek!)

Delaney isn't quite right without some monsters to interact with, and this week we finally started on those little critters! We decided to focus on the gimmick monsters first to give you all a taste of the fun movement mechanics you'll be able to play around with!

Pause Ghosts

You've seen these silly spectres before! Although they were in a prototype-y state, they're now complete and looking better than ever! Simply fling Delaney into one of the three variants: Slow, Normal, and Fast! See for yourself what they can do.

Launch Dolls

You haven't seen these stuffed bunnies before! These are Launch Dolls. Swing your hammer and they go flying! As simple as that. They come in two variants; Soft and Hardy. Soft dolls explode to a pile of fluff once they're done launching. Hardy dolls do not explode! You can just keep swinging at them for as long as you please!

These wont be the only monsters, rest assured. We have one more in store that didn't quite finish development on time. You'll see more of him in the next DelaneyPost!

We spent a lot of time prepping for AI during the latter half of this week, so the other half of our work today is quite technical, and we'll leave it up to you to look into A* Pathfinding, the tried and true algorithm we'll be using to base our AI off of.

Thanks for tuning in this weekend! We have some big stuff planned to close out this summer break development period! Keep your eyes peeled, your T's crossed, your I's dotted, and stay on your P's and Q's for next week's DelaneyPost!

Thanks for reading!

C and Y

[miniimaelstrom]

And round two, Spicy Boogaloo, on food safety with a side-helping of correlation does not equal causation.

Reminder (restatement as to a post I made a few days ago):

For now, this states that it's food testing laboratories' ability to "do planned quality control work around lab testing." This means the development of more advanced testing, as well as ensuring the consistency of testing between various laboratories. Not the removal of all testing, should concerns about food safety be actively questioned in a given situation. Again: there are not plans to outright suspend the current food testing as-available, according to this. "The claim that the FDA is suspending routine food safety inspections is false. FDA is actively working to ensure continuity of operations during the reorganization period and remains committed to ensuring critical programs and inspections continue." There is indication that more testing will likely be done on a state and local, as opposed to federal, level.

All that reminded about, now onto correlation.

If you read the secondary article (found here) the e. coli lack-of-reports stems from a case that began in November 2024 which we are only hearing about now because the case was closed. The article raises concerns because, in February the FDA "had closed the investigation without publicly detailing what had happened."

Yes, this is concerning. But the thing is, this happened regardless of laboratory funding. This was a decision made by the FDA in-action, not as a result of needing to shift it's testing priorities. Those are two very separate issues.

These two articles are not directly related. The Reuters article talks about cuts that have to happen as of and as a result of decisions made in or around April 2025, months after the closed-as-of-Feb'25-case-actually-begun-in-Nov'24 incident cited by NBC News.

Are things concerning? Yes. Are they worthy of attention, and being more careful of what we do with our food? Absolutely. Should we be paying attention to the news and what it says about coverups and oversight and losing resources? Of course!

Is it worth stirring up panic because the news did what the news does, and dropped stories relevant to current events without actually being A) about the same thing, or B) even semi-connected events (aside from "being about the FDA")? No.

The more we panic, the less we'll be able to actually know when shit hits the proverbial fan. The more we panic, the less we'll be able to see and understand the current break-down as it is, and thus be less equipped to make the necessary actions (whether it be petitions, writing to officials in office, protesting - what have you) to actually try and make something good come from the tangle that food safety regulation is slowly becoming.

Sign up to notified of recalls, yes. Stay aware of how you can implement food safety measures in your own home, yes. Look into nearby sources which also track food safety in case the one you depend on starts getting shaky, yes. Talk to your representatives, who actually have the power to move things in the government when you can't, absolutely yes.

These are both important articles. Don't use them both against each other in ways that prevent others from thinking they need to read the sources because they see those titles together and assume they're closely-linked issues.

[passingdaysthings]

10.16.2024 - Finding Another Job

Today is Wednesday.

It's been about a month since I graduated with my M.S, and I have been thinking about a new job more. It's so weird though. I feel accomplished finishing a degree that I was in a field completely new to me, but then.. I feel like I don't know anything. I have a while master's degree, but I also feel like I don't have it. I just learned so much and so little at the same time, and I am not sure how I handle that. I have looked at a job postings, but I can't help feeling unqualified because I am do new to the field. They're also asking me to use like 20 different programs or languages which is kind of crazy. I try to be very logical and tell myself that these job postings are asking for more than what I actually need for the job. I can't imagine listing an entry level job, but asking for multiple languages and program knowledge. I try to tell myself that I will need to be trained again anyways because I would be new either way. It's so funny to think about how cautious and scared I am compared to how I use to be, but it's not surprising since I am not 18 anymore. I have to think much harder about my decision since this is literally going to be my career. I like my job now because it's super convenient, but it's not a career. It's something that is contracted, and it will end. It also has nothing to do with the new career I wanna work on. I just wanna do other research things and more on the data side. Things in my life have kind of worked out for me when I take my time, so I think I should continue to move forward with caution and stop doubting myself.

My plans for the rest of 2024:

Oct: Start looking for a new job slowly or as I see, go see Latto, go to Virginia for volleyball, and go to Texas for Halloween and SVT

Nov: Continue job search, pick up on relearning my data science stuff and make a study plan, go to Jax for Thanksgiving (maybe)

Dec: JOBBBB SEARCHHH, continue learning, and maybe Disney?

I think it's so funny that it's already the end of 2024. I feel like this year just zoomed by me. That's probably because I actually did a lot of things this year between traveling and finishing my masters. I'm pretty sure I blacked out during all my quarters. I was just blacked out and did it. ACTUALLY, that is most like why I feel like I learned so much, but so little at the same time. I was just in and out of consciousness LOL.

On to old business,

I get so annoyed with myself with how much I go back and forth about Taylor and our relationship. I agree with the my from August because I still wanna date someone, and I have still been thinking about downloading a dating app and asking Taylor to help me set it up. BUT. I actually don't want to. I don't want Taylor to be involved in my new relationship at all because that's toxic. I am not gonna stoop that low no matter how much I think about it LOL. I have some pettiness in me, but I don't think I should be that way. I am also consciously and slowly trying to detach myself. I don't message him if he doesn't answer me, I don't usually call first unless I have a reason, I don't think about how much time has passed between our messages, and I don't really ask do to stuff unless I am free. It may not sound like a lot, but for me, it is because we talk all the time and spend time together everyday. I am trying to get use to the long periods of no talking. I think the biggest hard stop is sexting, but it's only been a month which isn't crazy because we'll stop for some time and do it again. I am just making sure I am not the one initiating. I am hope being unbothered by Taylor continues because it's been going well, and I just end up treating him like other guys in my life.

Overall, I feel content right now, and I am trying to be proud of myself even if no one else it. I am the one living my life, and the things I feel are things I will have to deal with. You got this, girly!

-P