philadelphiadentist

[geek-png]

Hello! I've been following your blog anonymously for a little while and just want to say that I really admire your work! Would you be up for an art trade or commission? I understand that your requests are closed, but feel free to DM if interested! Again, keep up the great work!

Thank you very much,, I appreciate all my followers, lurkers or not <3 Art trades are exclusively for mutuals of mine, but I've been considering opening commissions here!! I just wasn't sure if people would actually be interested y'know- I may do a couple slots once I finish my finals (after December 17th), with my whole TOS and everything. But I really do appreciate the consideration, I'm happy knowing my stuff is well liked enough despite my spotty activity ♥♥♥

[a-s-levynn]

Tiny Token 3rd set

[bcacstuff]

With him in SF in early September I wonder if they'll shoot S8 without any break. They are filming the 6th episode, with 4 weeks/block=2 eps. + 1 week for all table reads they should be done by end of August. The end is near & 12 years in the making by the time S8 airs.

I received a number of these similar asks in the last weeks already but didn't get to answer it in the way I wanted (sorry for the delay)

First of all to avoid some confusion, as far as I know he said he was gonna receive the SWF Award at Top Shelf event in October! I don't know why people keep saying September?

Caitriona's movie The Amateur was scheduled to be released on November 8, 2024, however the release is delayed and will now be on April 11, 2025

source

I do (of course) not have a filming schedule, so the short answer on will they have a summer break is; I don't know.

But we can speculate and think about a few things I considered. No facts of course, purely speculation.

Previous seasons we always could find some little clues and hints from time to time during filming, but this season it's extra hard. I shared what I could about location, but it's not always clear if it concerns OL S8 or BOB. That goes also for the clues we often would find on IG from the crew, which it seems are switching being busy on both series. The cast from BOB posts more little hints and clues than the cast from OL. Sometimes the supporting characters do, like today Kieran Bew

Kieran Bew IGS 21 June 2024

I also considered that S7 part 2 might have been altered a bit from how it was originally planned. As we were wondering during filming of S7 that there was no Fersali on set. Lauren and Cesar both were busy on other projects. But lately we've seen them again in Glasgow, and I really wonder if they filmed some extra scenes we will see in S7 part 2. It's hard to imagine how the storyline about Claire returning to the US, Philadelphia for Henri Christian's health problems (Fergus and Marsali's child) could omit Fersali. So perhaps they added scenes to S7 part 2, hence the long delay for it? (I could be completely wrong but we will know when it airs and if we'll see Fersali in S7 part 2 we know)

Anyway, we don't know where S7 part 2 ends, but if we are still in 3 different time periods (which does look that way given Diarmaid (Buck) seems to work on S8 as well, I figure not all cast is always needed on set. I do think, well actually am quite sure, some already had some time off in May. So perhaps, depending on the characters needed they scheduled it that way that people can have a wee break. I do wonder though about crew members, but perhaps BOB, which already started filming earlier this year will be done by July or so, and crew can take a wee break as well.

As for Sam, I do have an idea why his schedule didn't fit the Highlander con in July... but I keep that for my self for now. When time comes I'll see if I was right about it or not.

[reverie-starlight]

heloo saw ur req was open!

Can i req smth like a fic? (or hcs if u prefer) of mammon x gn reader!

Basically where reader is the type that enjoys horror movie and never flinches or might even laugh at some jump scare bcuz they think it’s horrible or funny! and mammon is like ‘what?? how r they laughing??!’ while he’s shivering and clutching a pillow like his life depends on it..

YES OFC I CAN THIS IS SO FUN!!! PERFECT FOR HALLOWEEN <3

(I hope you can forgive me for taking so long to post it, my plan is to schedule this to be released ON Halloween hehe)

also I don't watch a ton of horror movies, so I'll keep it kinda general, but I hope you enjoy anyway!!!!

gn!MC, pre-established relationship with mammon, takes place in OG obey me.

HALLOWEEN MOVIES WITH MAMMON

okay so

at first when you say you want to do a horror movie marathon with him, he's hesitant

yeah, human world horror might seem a bit lackluster for a demon, especially ones centered around possession or summoning- they might even see some as comedies if the execution was done poorly

but possession hits a bit too close to home for mammon, and he's never been a big fan of horror in general

you see him hesitate and before he has the chance to hide his feelings and force himself to agree, you give him an out

"hey, we don't have to if you don't want to... I just thought it might be fun since Halloween is coming up and it's a fun way to get into the spirit of it all. I won't force you, my love."

and he almost takes it.

but then he thinks about how you were probably really missing out on human world holiday traditions... and he sees the bit of disappointment you're trying (and succeeding for the most part- if he didn't know you as well as he did you would have fooled him) to hide

so with a deep breath, he sucks it up and shakes his head. "no, it's okay. we can totally do that! pick a time and place and we'll binge as many as ya want."

your eyes light up and you grin. "really?! thank you so much, mammon! I promise we'll start off with some easier ones and work our way up! I'll go make a list."

he doesn't regret his decision one bit and appreciates that you're being considerate of his feelings

until he realizes that your definition of "easy" horror movies didn't exactly align with his.

the first movie on the list was not "easy" at all, and at first he thought you were pulling his leg a bit

until he saw that you looked almost bored whenever there was a jump scare

it was almost embarrassing that he was clutching the pillow as tight as he was, but you were so focused on the movie that you didn't notice.

you did make sure to periodically check on him in between scenes and during bathroom breaks, but he didn't want you to feel bad, so he put on a brave face that seemed to sway you

he somehow made it through the first movie, and the second, but by time you were on the third (still in the "easy" category, you had said), he felt mildly sick to his stomach

during the movies, you had actually laughed during a few of the scary scenes.

how were you so desensitized to the horror genre?!

he usually admired your bravery, but this was a whole other level.

this third movie had to do with a zombie apocalypse, and you teased him, saying it reminded you of that haunted house you both got trapped in forever ago.

he tried to laugh with you, but at that moment the main character came into contact with one of the zombies and he wasn't able to hold back his scream since his guard was down

suddenly he was hiding his face in your shoulder, and shivering in your arms

poor baby starts apologizing and shaking his head when you pause the movie to check on him

"mammon have you been trying not to let on you were scared this whole time?!"

he tries to deny it but you give him a stern look and he sighs, nodding, starting to shake less now that the initial shock had worn off

"I just wanted to make you happy! I know how much you must miss human world halloween traditions and I wanted to make it feel more normal for ya..."

you smile at him and cup his cheek.

"mammon, that's sweet, but I'm literally in hell watching horror movies with my demon boyfriend, it doesn't get more halloween-y than that for a human," you giggle when he pouts and you lean down to kiss it away

"and if you were scared, you could have told me! we can watch something else, it's totally fine. it's no fun if only one of us is enjoying it."

he reluctantly agrees, still feeling bad for "ruining" your horror marathon (to which you reassure him that he didn't ruin anything, and then apologize for not realizing sooner).

so for the rest of the night you watch horror parodies (which are definitely more his speed) and cuddle up together under the blankets until you both fall asleep, thankfully nightmare free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY I really hope you enjoyed this, anon!!! and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

I tried to keep it as general as possible because horror movies really aren't my thing, but if you're interested in more spooky mammon content, I have a fluffy halloween fic coming later today (it may already be out depending on when you read this) and I promise the quality is a lot better than what I've offered here :')

[callmeajorallie]

I'm not sure why but ever since the internet was blessed/cursed with "Battle for Nightmare Moon" (Reminder I don't support Hypercrystal) It has consumed my brain to the point I have created an entire au based around it. For the longest time, I've wanted to share it, but at the beginning I was stopped by social awkwardness, followed by the Hypercrystal controversy & not wishing to be associated with him. But now that I've used Tumbler more, I've gotten more comfortable sharing this hyperfixation of mine & all the craziness that comes with it. Starting off, here's the general outline in regards to my take on bfnm (I have yet to figure out a name for my version of bfnm). 1. Time frame - Each season would be written to take place during the same time period as their respective bfdi season counterpart (ex. Season 1 - 2010/2012) 2. Gender - Yes, gender. Why? Well to go with the opposite theme, my dumbass brain decided to default gender-swap each character (With a few exceptions, e.i Winner) lest I decide otherwise. Now why am I mentioning this? Because various other takes on bfnm has the cast keep the gender the same as their bfdi counterpart, which sometime causes people to I guess correct me- but hey, these are open-source objects, nor was there confirmed genders. 3. Cast - You think I just limited myself to the opposites? Ha! Lol no. So before the whole Hyper drama (We'll get to that soon), I had planned to involve the characters from another video of his that were also open-sourced (e.i What if bfdi had new team members) as contestants because, like everything else, I could. 4. Hosts - Bringing up the drama again, before such, I decided to have Hypercrystal as a character, being the host. Why? Because every version of bfnm I saw had a mock announcer box of some sort so I wanted to be unique I guess (idk I'm thinking back like 9 months). Now, this hasn't changed in the slightest, for I have pre-planned too much to be ruined by drama, but also out of spite (The trauma I have prepared for this crystal ball). However, that's not the only crystal I've snatched (e.i the 100kly Object show contestants), recreated the assets & all because these goobers are too silly. Oh yeah, also the number hosts are negative versions of themselves (except x, bro became y).

Anyway with that out of the way & to follow up on it, we have my designed for the other crystals (The photo above is for reference- Also I tried to post these fools in a reblog of an earlier post of mine but the reblog wasn't reblogging so-) Brighter/Darker Crystal

Liarcrystal (4s lookin ahh)

My personal favorite; Spidercrystal

& Finally, Diapercrystal, who for the sake of bfnm my take has been redesigned & renamed to Cringecrystal

Why am I obsessed with these silly objects? I don't know, I just think they're neat & have an entire notebook dedicated to them, on other news & to finish to ramble off, take these character sheets I made for bfnm my take Watery & Steely before the Hyper controversy (I'll probably make new assets for the bfnm but we'll see if I can give enough effort to do that-)

(The gif isn't gifing I think-)

[freevoidman]

The Pros and Cons of Silent Hill: Ascension

Hey there! Are you planning on sitting through Silent Hill Ascension, either because you're excited, want to build up hype/support for further Silent Hill projects, or maybe you're curious about what new shit show Konami's cooked up? Well, I've sat through the first two days, and let this post be a quick run-through on the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly about Silent Hill: Ascension!

Pros:

There's honestly very little, but I'll run through them nonetheless.

Voice Acting is, right now, okay. Some actors are clearly better than others. I have to give special shout-outs to Rachel Hernandez and Xavier Candless. They're both doing really well with their characters so far and I'm excited to hear how they'll act in more emotive scenes. Of course, we're only two days in so we'll see how that changes.

Silent Hill Ascension features minigames which average around "okay." I'll talk about it more in the 'Bad' section, but the good ones are fun little brain teasers that I find satisfying enough to solve. This is not across the board, but it's enough of a positive that I felt it okay to list.

The site is functional enough that the catch-up videos seemed to work without any hiccups (edit: so long as there isn't a livestream occurring at the same time. If you want to play catch-up 30 minutes before the new stuff is released, odds are the livestream will cut in and mess up your video). Plus, the grace period for decision making is very generous so far, ranging from a full 24 hours to multiple days, so they do give you enough time if you can't watch live.

Credit where credit is due: the monster/creature designs are genuinely well-made. You can clearly see where the budget went, and it was towards making these things look cool and be animated well enough to translate that creepy factor. While nothing is abundantly original right now (we've yet to see the flaming box head guy) I won't short-change the monster designers and animators here, they put effort into this.

There was a bit of misinformation spread around that you'd have to pay to participate. Thankfully, that's not true, you can "play" Ascension without paying a cent and I, personally, wouldn't call this a "pay-to-win" type of game with its set-up. In other words: DO NOT PAY, it's absolutely not worth it here.

Bad:

Animation quality shifts from middling to horrible. The main criticism I have for this "experimental idea" is that everything Ascension tries, the 2000s nailed long before. If you've ever seen one of those 3D straight-to-TV movies that airs on cartoon networks during the holidays, congrats, their animation is likely better and has more charm than Ascension. Characters in Ascension move stiffly, either emote too much or not enough, and lip syncing seems off no matter which language you pick. Animation in SH1 is easily better than this, so don't expect a visual spectacle.

As an addendum to this: Ascension is dark--no, not the content, it is literally hard to see. Going into a Silent Hill-adjacent media, you expect visibility to be impacted by fog. Ascension, on the other hand, skips the fog entirely and just makes everything dark. It is incredibly difficult to see anything that's happening (this includes QTEs which, hoo boy! look at the next segment for that). I don't want to be cynical, but I truly do believe that part of the reason why is to cover up the stiff animation. Until Dawn and other Dark Anthology games had some moments of animation weirdness, but Silent Hill Ascension is easily worse than that on a pure technical level.

App and website responsivity is baaad. Minigames are designed for both platforms with zero differences, but this means some minigames are better on desktop than on mobile and vice versa. Two minigames stand out as particularly mixed/bad: a find-the-object game and a guitar minigame. The find-the-object game was better on desktop because your hovering cursor could find clickable areas more easily than on mobile. The guitar minigame was just bad--it wasn't a rhythm game, it was a game where you had to click finger positions for chords on the guitar strings and, my god, it played horribly no matter which platform I picked (though mobile was noticeably worse) and actually hurt my ears.

As an addendum to that, the live QTE events (yes that's a thing) ALSO suffer from this lack of responsivity, with more destructive results. Live participants were abruptly thrust into QTEs with no warning, no tutorials, and no preparation. There were 4 types of QTEs: a quick button press, a hold-release button, a rapid-tap, and a quick swipe. Of these, only the hold-release and rapid-tap worked regularly. The quick press barely responded, and the swipe indicator is practically hidden due to it being borderline invisible.* While you can try the minigames over and over as much as you want, the QTEs are limited to the live showings and cannot be "replayed." In addition, they have been heavily implied to be a major determining factor as to whether or not characters survive, so if every character's fate is based on successful QTEs, every character is going to die in this show, no matter what you do. This is why I said it's not pay-to-win, you can't pay your way through live QTEs, and this set-up feeds into the unsatisfactory system the entire "game" perpetuates. Even if YOU do well, decisions are based on the community, so if they fail, tough nugs.

The story isn't shaping up to be anything remarkable. There's no major hook in the opening scene and even less of a hook for the three scenes that followed. I'm not intrigued by the "horror" being shown, the way this is being shot and told is more confusing than anything else and, while there are some 'good' actors in this, a majority of them are bad and lack any hutzpah to sell the continued experience. I'm going to hold out for the end of the week, when the first "episode" is done airing, but if nothing hooks me I'm not going to continue.

Ugly:

The "Battlepass." Oh dear god the Battlepass. By paying $20, you can get more "influence points," which you can use to determine actions in this game. You also get exclusive little emote stickers for the live chat (oof) that are, at best, a cringey nightmare and, at worst, absolutely stupid and useless. You also get accessories for your avatar (did I mention there's an avatar? it's so pointless I don't even know WHERE to put that tidbit). Why is this even here? You already have freemium options where you can buy influence points, what does a battlepass add?

The "live chat" just shouldn't be there. I'm sorry, it shouldn't. You can already see the community casting votes and helping with QTEs, having a live chat that is barely moderated with hundreds of thousands of people signing on at 9 to watch the stupidity unfold is a bad idea. It also contributes to the stupidity of the Battlepass system--I don't want emotes, I don't want a 3D avatar that can appear in the show if I give enough points--so nix the whole thing. EDIT 11/1/2023: I kinda got my wish! After the amazing lack of moderation on launch, they've either temporarily OR permanently disabled the live chat! Unfortunately, the video's dimensions to compensate FOR live chat have not been altered, so there's a big gap of black negative space where it should be. People can only reply with the dumb stickers the devs have shoved into this, BUT if you have the battlepass, you can apparently type messages! Ironically, this retroactively gives the battle pass an actual fucking purpose since it gives you a privilege, and the stickers serve a purpose since they're the only way for non-battlepassers to communicate in live chat. Fucking brilliant, they've stumbled backwards into an unintentional solution. EDIT 11/4/2023: Genvid's CEO, Jacob Navok, has made various claims on twitter that of course they tested they tested their AI moderation for basic slurs, it's just that the system got overwhelmed by day 1 traffic. Well, I absolutely DON'T believe that (the testing, not the overwhelmed thing, connection and stability were terrible day 1) seeing as people are getting around not being able to TYPE swearing and horrific racial slurs into chat by simply making their usernames swears and slurs without any letter substitution (a la leetspeak). Here is a link to a video of someone who was streaming Ascension and had the chat open, only to see have someone with the user name "Fuck_[n-word]s" in chat (I'm not typing the actual slur fuck that). When he goes to try and flag the user, he is given no ability to report the username. So, yeah, even if you see some incredibly racist/bigoted shit, you can't flag the user and report them to, y'know, assist with the absolutely real robot-powered moderation that totally exists! If there was the most BASIC moderation in the world to catch english swears and slurs, that username would not have been permitted under any circumstances, so I fully do not believe this fucker.

The decisions themselves shouldn't have labels. What I mean by that is that, so far, every option has three possible options. These options are labelled under three categories: redemption, suffering, and damnation. In other words, the watcher can literally see the paths leading towards the "good, neutral, and bad" endings for Ascension. This shouldn't be a thing, period, because it immediately introduces biases into your choices. Every option so far has been massively skewed towards the "redemption" path because people aren't blind, they can see the "good" ending on the horizon, and they want to go for it. The worst part is, the options on their on aren't explicitly good or bad, so if they got rid of that labeling it'd still work. idk, it just feels stupid. (NOTE: day 2 introduced ONE choice that doesn't have this same labeling system. No clue if that's a bug or if there are going to be decisions that don't have a label. Even then, it seems like a small decision in the overall scheme of things, so... :shrug:)

Yes, the decisions are permanent, thus denying you the ability to see 2/3s of whatever Genvids has worked on. I just think that's dumb and, though many in the community have criticized this already, it feels even dumber when watching the show play out live. There's no way that the money Ascension could possibly make would subsidize the effort put into this if you're effectively nixing 2/3s of anything you can see (and it does seem like major alterations to the characters and their routes so far, nothing minor, so... yeah, you're missing out on a LOT). This also means that because of the audience effectively being enticed to pick the clearly labelled "good path," if you put any effort into a different choice, odds are you wasted your time with minigames for the day. This means Ascension is set up to be as unsatisfying as possible for individuals, and only satiates half of the community engaging with it. There is no way this is going to last the entire scheduled 6 months this is intended to run for if this is the system they're operating under.

In conclusion: give this one a pass. If you're really curious, you can watch now and get a good idea of its future quality. This isn't remarkable at all and looks more like a time sink than anything "fun."

I still don't understand why this isn't a video game, other than Konami hoping some suckers will pay for the influence packs and get them more money than a $60 one-time-purchase. Quantic Dreams and Supermassive "Dark Anthology" games are really fun and well-liked because of the CYA angle they take. This could've made a decent amount of money if it were just, y'know, a normal game.

*MINOR EDIT: tested the QTEs on desktop instead of mobile and they were better overall: prompts respond easily to mouse clicks and aren't nearly as invisible on my phone screen compared to my desktop. If you are REALLY interested in trying it live and getting a feel of the "authentic, live experience", I'd recommend accessing the site on desktop over downloading a mobile app.

EDIT 11/2/2023

Yeah I know I keep editing this honestly BUT I do have a big-ass critique I just noticed relating, again, to the minigames.

Here is a screenshot of the rewards you can receive for your performance with the minigames. You are rated on a scale of 1-3 stars, with a failure being 0 stars. In return for your performance, you gain "Interactive Points" and EXP. Tell me, after looking at this screenshot, what the problem with these rewards might be:

Do you see it? Well, if you don't, let me point it out to you.

THE AMOUNT OF INTERACTIVE POINTS YOU RECEIVE, THE CURRENCY YOU USE TO ACTUALLY MAKE DECISIONS AND PROPERLY CONTRIBUTE TO THE STORY, GOES DOWN IF YOU DO WELL AT THE MINIGAMES. THE GAME ACTIVELY PUNISHES YOU FOR PLAYING WELL.***

100 interactive points, by the way, is not enough to vote on a decision! You need 200 minimum. You also cannot repeatedly play the minigames to farm IP or EXP so, once you get two stars, you can't get the rewards for three or vice versa. And remember, if you're not a battlepasser, you only get two of these minigames per day.

Why on earth is it scaled this way? The difference between two stars and three stars is the exact same, why does it not increase when you do the minigames well? 100 for one star, 200 for two, 300 for three, it's so god damn easy AND you can still keep the scummy interactive point packages they sell!

But, I here you asking, what does the EXP do? Well, ignoring that a 10 EXP difference is exceeding minimal, EXP gives you... nothing!

Yeah, not even kidding with this one. There does seem to be a leveling system attached to your profile, but I cannot see a single thing connecting it to rewards (which are across the board useless), giving you a power boost with your voting, or just giving you perks. As far as I'm aware, EXP doesn't grant you a god damn thing, and that's the only increased reward from doing well.

***CORRECTION (because nothing in my life can ever be simple): the minigames DO reward you better than the screenshot above. Just did today's minigames and I got 330 IP from a 2 star ranking. However, if that's the case, I GENUINELY do not understand why this is labelled incorrectly? This doesn't even add up correctly (the 1 star + 2 star ranking should equal 300, NOT 330).

So, at best, the site is poor at labelling things (which wouldn't surprise me, the UI is a mess most days on this) OR my view of the site/rewards are bugged! Who fuckin' knows at this point. Sorry for the long rant y'all but honestly? Considering I only noticed the labelling earlier today and couldn't test this until the reset happened, I could only go off the labelled point system above.

I WILL say that tonight was the first night the community succeeded at the endurance scenes! I'd be happier about that if the game itself gave a shit, because apparently, what we do does not matter (as this game seems rapt with telling us)

Yes folks, despite the community succeeding two (2!) of these long ass, repetitive QTE events, for some fucking reason, Karl's hope went down further! This is, again, despite the fact that the community AT LARGE succeeded for the first time since the premiere date, but we still lost! Fucking how.

[lhs3020b]

The General Election Fallout Post

Hello again; I, uh, forgot to visit Tumble Dot Com for a bit.

Anyway, I'm back. For now, at least.

And yes, Election Day has been and gone. So let's start with some anti-Tory schadenfreude: ROFL, LMAO, LOL, get fucked, idiots. Good riddance, rust in pieces, you will not be missed.

Unfortunately, the overall political picture is - well, let's be honest, for a massive anti-Tory defeat it's ended up more bleak than I would have considered likely.

Unfortunately, the Tories didn't quite collapse in the way I hoped - they had a very bad night, but they're still the official Opposition, so the party will survive as a corporate entity. And that means we'll probably get it back at some point, which I'm not exactly thrilled about.

Meanwhile Labour managed to produce the most flimsy landslide anyone's ever seen. I say flimsy because actually, they took fewer votes than they did in 2019 - remember how our good friends the wise and all-knowing centrists assured us that that was a true sin unto the ages, and we should all hang our heads in shame and never be seen in public again? Yeeeeaaaaah. Your boy Keith did worse, guys. Meanwhile, Labour's fraction of the actual vote-that-was-cast was ... actually not great, either, at 34%. While he won, it's clear he's not loved.

Yes, that's right, their performance is barely a percentage-point better than 2019. And, uh, about 10 percentage-points down on what the Very Serious And All-Knowing Opinion Pollsters claimed it would be. So yes, there's been another fuckie-wuckie from the pollsters; unfortunately, as they technically got the headline result right (if none of the details), I suppose they'll get away with it :(

(Rewards for failure; it's very on-brand for the 2020s, isn't it?)

The only reason last night's landslide happened was because the Tory 2019 voter-coalition disintegrated (though, not as far as the pollsters claimed it would - honestly, we're overdue a period of silence from those guys).

In fairness yes, Labour get to form a government and yes they have a huge majority. But, what they pulled off yesterday will only work once - there will be no second Tory collapse - and their economic plans in particular have some ticking timebombs under them. A hint: what if the GDP Growth Fairy doesn't visit these sceptred isles after all ... ? How will Starmer's leadership ratings cope once their fiscal rules force them to deliver another austerity budget? What will they cut? What public services or government departments will simply stop?

TBH I wouldn't be even slightly surprised if, even one year in the future, Starmer's ratings and his party's have imploded. Yes, I'm fallible and I could be wrong, maybe they'll land another massive landslide in 2029 - but I'm worried about the future.

This brings us to Reform, Nigel Farage's latest vanity vehicle/puppet party-shaped object.

Unfortunately, a lot of the ex-Tory vote went to Reform UK, and if there was any question that Refuck are actual full-fat fascists, then I think the recent mini-scandal put paid to that. (For those who don't know, some Refuck activists were recently caught on camera by Channel 4 News, literally calling for asylum seekers to be machine-gunned, demanding a police pogrom against LGBTQ people, and so on. In as many words. No dog whistles, no coded remarks or anything like that. It was literally - and horrifyingly - what it sounded like. A call for deliberate, directed State violence against minority groups. Centrists, please, if you can't see that for what it is, then please consider why that might be!)

So, given that Refuck have won 5 seats, we now have actual, unambiguous fascists in Parliament. And that was something that had never quite happened before - our politics could often be an awful cesspit but even during the worst parts of the post-2016 crisis we hadn't quite tipped off that ledge.

Not now. Yay us, I guess?

You can tell I'm not enjoying this post anywhere near as much as I wanted to, can't you?

Anyway, fuck the Tories, fuck their ex-MPs, fuck their remaining ones and as for the people who still voted for them in spite of everything, honestly, what's wrong with you? (Seriously - why? What do you see in them? They've done nothing for you. They spent lockdown pissed on expensive wine and laughing at you. Why are you still supporting them?)

The other news is that the Lib Dems are back. They've done a surprisingly-efficient job of turning votes into seats - in fact it looks like they barely wasted any votes anywhere, and so have managed to get from 12 seats to 71 - yes, 71! - while taking only about 12% of the vote. Well, credit where it's due, I suppose. And much as I will never forgive the Coalition for setting us onto the path of ruin that we're on, nonetheless during the campaign Ed Davey was the only person who actually seemed to be enjoying himself. It seems to have worked out - the LDs have had their best election result since the 1920s.

If you want to look for some (possible) rays of light in this mess ... well, the Green Party did relatively well. Their vote went up, and they now have four MPs, vserus 1 in the previous Parliament. (Full disclosure: I voted Green. I don't think they're perfect, I'm not a stan, but Sir Keith's "changed" Labour Party has obvious contempt and loathing for people like me so ... fine? We'll go our separate ways, then.) Much to my surprise, they came second in my constituency, which I genuinely hadn't expected. Apparently my vote was less wasted than usual, it would seem. And the Greens' growth happened in spite of them being resolutely ignored by the entire print and broadcast media, so apparently they don't need the media to keep making progress. It is possible that their growth could continue, and maybe another election-cycle might give us back a semi-worthwhile left-of-center opposition party ... but here I am committing the Sin of Optimism, aren't I?

Also, well, lots and lots of Tories are miserable today. Grant Shapps has had a case of the slaps, Rees-Mogg has been time-warped back to the 18th Century (honestly he'll probably be happier there, it's for the best for everyone) and Liz Truss got yeeted feet-first into the Sun. (Sorry, Sol.)

Also a lot of bootlicking newspaper opinion columnists are having a proper meltdown today, and that is genuinely funny. They certainly deserve no sympathy.

So yeah, the overall picture is a) good riddance to Sunak, b) fuck the Tories and c) oh dear goodness, it's somehow all still a mess.

[a-strange-server]

Hi! thanks a lot for organizing Strange Tales Of Halloween 2024, I'm stoked! This'll be a dumbish question related to that. I have something written for Friday 18 October for the Event (and some plans for one more day). It's clear from the FAQ that I should preferably wait until the 18th to publish it. What does this mean in terms of places? Like: first to AO3, then with link to tumblr, then with link to the server? Thanks a lot! I know you are not disappointed by the question but... sorry :).

Hi! I’m glad our event inspired you! We’re very excited as well 🎶. And no worries, your question is perfectly fine! 🦋

Waiting for the 18 october would be the best indeed (the wait will be worth it, promise). 😁

We do not really have an 'order' preference between posting on Ao3 / tumblr / link on discord. You can make a post tumblr first, or you can publish it on ao3 first. As long as it's the 18th october, the place doesn't really matter. If you wish to only post on one of the websites, that's possible too!

For ao3, don't forget that you can add it to the event collection! For tumblr, the best is that you mention @a-strange-server so that we can find your post easily, but during the period of the event we'll also be checking the tag #strangehalloween2024 regularly.

Your tumblr post can also look however you wish as long as it either contain your story or a clear link towards your story.

I hope this answered your question 💖. If that's not the case, or if you have another doubt, don't hesitate to contact us back. We’re super excited to see your creation!! ✨️

[h0neysuckleblue]

fem!William cosplay

In honor of sherliam week 2023, I'm gonna start posting about my plans for a hopefully historically-accurate cosplay of William! :D

i'm planning on designing 4 outfits: professor, noblewoman day wear, noblewoman evening party wear, and traveling wear. I'm probably going to be actually making one of the first two or both. I could also throw in a teagown, loc outfit (though i honestly think it would just be the same as canon anyways?), sleepwear, specific design for undergarments, etc, but we'll see if i'm still interested in that later

when I first came up with the idea sometime in july or august, because i am such a historical costume girly, i was like, so i would do a male one except i know that i would never wear it outside of the cosplay, which would be a waste of my money and limited energy. So, i decided to just do a female adaptation of his canon character design and made a ~1878-1879 corset, with plans to make combinations (for that sweet sweet in-character practicality), corset cover, etc. Then, as i was working on the design, i ended up coming up with a whole au/justification for an actual female ver. of william that was publicly known in-universe as a woman who identified as such with the og william also being publicly known as a girl, because if he was still a boy, then f!william would have had to cross-dress. Also, if anything i'm saying is irl historically wrong, i'm literally begging for you to tell me and forward resources about what im wrong about.

So, essentially, in the 1860-70's, specifically including ~1876 - 1879, there doesnt seem to be as much popularity towards women being highly educated through universities or being teachers at universities as it is in the later victorian era, though there already has been precedent set for a couple decades of women graduating from college. So, if a female william (f!william for short) was a well-off and decently mid-high ranking noble lady from a family with an earl/count title, it could be presumed that trying to be a "perfect noble" (wo)man would not involve being more noticeably progressive in such an eye-catching manner. However, considering that in canon william doesnt try to downplay his intelligence at all publicly, given that he is known as a mathematical genius who graduated and became a professor at a very unusually young age, even f!william would probably be stubborn enough to fully go for it and achieve the same results, with a lot more opposition from strangers. Admittedly, a woman would not have been allowed to attend Eton, because it's all-boys, and being titled a professor means that you've been hired as a professor at a university, and i imagine it'd be hard to get a bunch of likely sexist-ass old men to hire a young woman as a professor, but let's say she did manage to do it, especially with the backing of a respectable noble family name. So that means she's a ~19 y/o publicly-known-as-21 y/o to ~23 y/o publicly-known-as-25 y/o who is going to be starting to teaching mostly young men, who are almost entirely well-off to noble status, in ~1874-1878. That's the tail-end of the first bustle era and in 1876 the natural form era starts until early 1880's. So i looked at a lot of fashion plates and extant garments from this general time period to get a sense of both eras to design a dress that was first made during the first bustle era to be fashionable to that time that was then retailored to fit the natural form era's fashionable silhouette but also not being too fashion-forward since i dont think she would try to keep up with that more than necessary as it isnt her priority, because it's possible, even likely, for f!william to be more practical/frugal by choosing to have an "older" outfit retailored to fit a new era's style than have an entirely new outfit made. Side-note, there is practically no way to pass off the button-up shirt collar design as a historically-accurate fashionable lady's collar, so dont @ me about that. Currently, this is the design i've settled on for the professor design, which would be worn while teaching at Durham uni and possibly also as daywear on the days she has to go to work there.

the dominating collar scheme for all the daywear options is brown, and while i could have used more red in accordance with the canon red tie and eyes, i again know that my wardrobe doesnt do red, so that wasnt really a choice in terms of the main body of the dresses if i want to be able to wear any of it normally. This one also needs to have the color layer updated. For the professor outfit, I was keeping in mind a relatively simple/modest design- for a noble lady- but especially in the back where male students would probably see a lot of (since she would be also writing on the blackboard), because anything too complicated or eye-catching could be "distracting". i didnt want to make it too modest because the students and coworkers are also of similar social class to f!william, so there is some expectation of dressing well for her station but also not being too distracting for the young male students :/ i'm still considering toning the design down more, but im not sure how....

this is what i have for the normal noble lady daywear, hopefully appropriate year-round because i dont feel like designing a new outfit for like all 4 seasons. since it was by far more fashionable for women to wear brighter/lighter colors (usually more adorned by trims in matching/accenting solids rather than patterns for any time of year) during this time if it wasn't winter, in which case it would be dark but still rich colors, i made the browns a lot lighter to compensate for the fact that i'm trying to a. keep close to canon design and b. again, i want to be willing to actually wear it normally, so no reds or pinks as a main part. the big red ribbon will just be tacked on lightly so i can take it off when i'm not cosplaying. I also try to incorporate more of the pressed pleats trims as a nod to william's whole thing about perfectionism, precision, and preparation, as well as him being a math nerd, but like that also ties into the... 3 P's?? so *shrugs*. I also just love the trains of the natural form era so of course I had to add that here, where i can go wildly unpractical, in comparison to the professor one, which does have to account for a good bit of walking by foot across campus and possibly through town. this is also subject to change, but i like to think it's mostly set in stone here.

i also designed a black coat as a noblewoman adaptation of the one william wears in canon, which you can see him wearing when he and albert are at adam whitely's park opening speech. I'm not entirely sure about the exact nature and design of the embellishments, but its probably going to be some amalgamation of beadwork and embroidery. i'm actually also going to be making this, straight up because i want a black coat anyways lol. too bad it's not in time for this years winter. i didnt actually draw out the design for the hat but i was planning on a black base hat with brown and red decorations to tie it to any of the daywear clothes, including the coat, and maybe with a sheer white veil in the back? that was in fashion like during at least the mid 1870's. I'm also adapting the cane to an umbrella/parasol. while it'd make more sense to be a delicate litle parasol, i already have a normal-sized black umbrella with a silver metal handle, so that's like a perfect prop that mimics the dark wood cane with a metal handle that william uses in canon, though my umbrella doesn't have a sword hidden in it haha.

also, as a fun aside, in 1873, there was a brief trend for women to wear a ribbon choker that tied in the back with long tails as an evening wear accessory. so this is a sketch of a painting's outfit, dont remember the name though, that was painted in that year. Correction, I just saw that I wrote it down and its name is “Too Early”. I couldn't help but think up a fun little au of an au where f!william, who would be 18 y/o publicly-known-as-20 y/o, was at a ball and sherlock, male or female? (though i think a female sherlock would be kind of weird considering his canon bias that women are emotional, not as logically intelligent, and delicate :/), was also dragged there by mycroft or something when he decided?? to briefly visit england instead of presumably??? staying at whatever college he was studying at in paris. So, i was originally thinking that it would be such a cool image of sherlock lightly grabbing the tail ends of a red ribbon choker that f!william was wearing with a similar vibe as that sherliam manga vol. 14 cover art, as william turns to look over her shoulder at sherlock. But then, i obviously had to justify it to myself, so i came up with the whole above scenario and i guess they ended up meeting and becoming interested in each other a la canon but earlier and at some point in the night, william was teasingly staying (physically) one step ahead of sherlock and the image is when sherlock finally managed to catch william.

so i guess i'll post updates as i go? i'm definitely estimating this to be a year(s)-long project, considering all the research, patterning, and sewing i'll be doing. i'm also planning on doing a photoshoot with the cosplay when i'm done, so i'll be posting those whenever i have them ready.

edit: I just briefly skimmed a little of the history of female scholars, and apparently the first one to become a professor during the Victorian era is credited to Edith Morley, in 1908 at the age of 33, though there were some other women who also attended a male-dominated college around the same time as her in the 1890’s. Thus, for f!william to have been able to get that professorship or even attend and graduate from a college with a proper degree ~1869-1873, that would have been seen as even more extremely radical, which would have made her stick out in high society in a way that would make it harder to convince targets like lord Enders that she was similarly elitist and a “proper” noblewoman. She also would have had to convince both count Rockwell, her guardian, and the college itself to allow her to attend at ~14 y/o publicly-known-as-16 y/o and maybe even graduate with a proper degree, probably through a lot of machinations on her part, not to even mention being a professor. The only advantage to be found is that she’s seen as a noble, so there is some influence to exert to match male-dominated college chairs.

[antiquatedplumbobs]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

I initially made this tag game over a year ago at a point when I felt like there were a lot of new people on history simblr I didn't know. I was chatting with some friends and thought now might be a good time to revive it!

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

Right now I'm very excited for the 1920s, I have a lot of plans and some unique story lines I feel coming up. It's also feeling like I'll actually get there soon!

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

Last time I did this I chose a BB piece so this time I'm going CAS, happylifesims recently made a victorian workers outfit with these adorable rolled sleeves and it just looks so good on guys. It's the current darling of my heart.

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

Right now it's Willy, I'm really excited to get back into the Sewell's and really start exploring his story in earnest.

4. What is your favorite world?

Still Brindleton Bay, always has been, always will be.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I like to think I mix these two mediums pretty well, I plan big story arcs but tend to let gameplay influence day to day, and if something interesting gameplay wise happens I try to include it!

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

I do! I think they add a really fun dimension to the family and are great for social needs.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

All the townies with the strangest colored hair and body types. And names. I just wish it wasn't all so discordant.

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

I really like the items that came with the country kitchen kit, the bucket of fruit and vegetables just makes me so happy.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

I'm at the point where I just want a historical pack. I know it's not gonna happen, but gosh a girl can dream.

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

I think that Cottage Living is amazing all around, but I'd put Cats and Dogs second, perhaps tying with Get Together. They both have amazing BB and CAS and i prefer the worlds to Henford.

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

Mizoreyukii has a functional broom that works like a vacuum and it just makes my little historical simmer heart happy to see my sims sweeping away.

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

I like having enough to keep it interesting, but not so many that it's overwhelming. I think maybe five or six but obviously the ages influence things too.

13. Do you use poses?

I do! I like to use in game animations whenever I can because they feel a bit more lively to me, but sometimes you need to track down a pose or wrestle with blender to make one when you need something specific.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Yes, I love overrides. I use moonsims historic book override, a mop override, a dish override, a fireplace light override, a dog leash override. Big on overrides here.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

I usually don't, I find it a bit too limiting for what would have actually been historically possible at the time.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

A slightly tweaked version of normal, but some people have been sort of convincing me to potentially try a longer one.... We'll see...

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

A reddit post about the decades challenge, which was just a completely new way to think about playing to me. I'd never really done any kind of challenge before at all and I think the combo of passage of time, goals, and so much fun new cc just absolutely hooked me!!

See how my answers have changed in the past year and a half

I geared it towards historical simming, since that’s what I do, but please feel free to partake even if you’re not a historical simmer and just adapt for regular gameplay or whatever you do!!

I'm going to cast a wide net here with my tags @aheathen-conceivably @cowplant-snacks @simadelics @thistleflower-sims @carousel-of-sims @stargazingsims @gilded-ghosts @simming-in-the-rain @scythesms @surely-sims @historysims4 @sasaofastora @javitrulovesims and anyone else who would like to take part!

I really like these because it helps me get to know everyone I see on my dash and sometimes find new people to follow, so don't be shy about taking part!!

[daz4i]

You should self-ship on main more, I'm 100% here for it. In the interest of fostering that, a few questions to ponder (or like. Elaborate if you've said it somewhere and I just don't recall lol):

Would y'all have the "Oh" moment? Who and how and all that jazz~

Is there cuddling? How's the cuddling?

How would y'all's first date go? Would it be an official date, or would there later be the, "wait we're dating aren't we?" moment?

Who fell first and who fell harder?

What was the pining process like? A long time, or just going for it once someone realizes?

Big romantic gestures or little acts of love?

Asking with Nikolai in mind but feel free to elaborate on others too 👀 And no pressure on anything obviously!

~☄️

I love self-shipping and seeing others do it as well 🥰

oooooo these are so good 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

1. nah! we're both too stubborn to admit smth like that even to ourselves i think. it's either obsession at first sight or denial forever ����

2. ofc 😌 it's. messy i think :P going from nothing to the tighest clutching ever like our lives depend on it with limbs entangled in ways that shouldn't be anatomically possible. and then back to nothing after a few minutes. maybe some limbs still tied together like earphones you leave in a purse

3. oh absolutely not knowing it's a date :P if we go by my bsdsona i feel like our dates would be committing crimes anyway, less as a planned thing more in the heat of the moment. in our world tho, i actually can't figure out how we'll start, but it for sure won't be an actual date. i think it'd be funny if it's like going out with 2 friends who are a couple and are trying to set us up together without telling us, so they take us on double dates disguised as casual hangouts. actually that's a good one i decided this is how we'll be in a modern au. but instead of us realizing we're dating someone else will ask us and we will keep saying no, while acting like a couple. keep em on their toes (<- never had The Talk bc what's the point of labels and limits)

4. first? probably me 😩 (i'm like incapable of seeing someone as anything but platonic after a p short time so. it's near-instant or nothing) but i think nikolai would fall harder. like we just saw how he acts with fyodor after having like 2 conversations with him 😭 once i get him to like me i think he'll be ride or die

5. no pining ✨️ we're both direct i think :P just going for it immediately 🔥

6. big romantic gestures! i don't think we'll be very good as a casual domestic couple, there's a reason why i post abt us doing fucked up shit all the time lol. it'll be intense and short (not in a breakup way. if you catch my drift) so it really is all about the big acts 👀

(to get somewhat deep abt that last one. i always think my main f/o at any time is what i need in life during that period. and nikolai embodies fun and intensity and chaos to me, just being interesting and unexpected, bc i am. so bored. which is why we're less of a normal romantic couple and more of a chaotic duo uwu casual small romance may be nice but not right now and not with him)

👁👁 that comment at the end. i take it you have self ships too? 👀 who are your f/os!

[bklynmusicnerd]

First I would like to say that I find your responses to be well thought out and insightful and I appreciate the time and effort you take in crafting them.

That said, after today's reconciliation, and Trina putting her foot down, where do you think this storyline is headed?

Based on your use of "today" I'm guessing I'm a couple of days late seeing this, so sorry for the late response (blame it on holiday week shenanigans).

First of all, thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate them.

Now onto where I think the Trina and Spencer stuff is headed and, well, all signs point to POUND TOWN (I'm so sorry).

No but Spencer attempting to sex his way to redemption aside, I've been thinking a bit about the current arc for Trina and Spencer, especially in the aftermath of the New York stuff, because it feels a lot more intentionally written than the post-Greenland "arc".

In a lot of ways, the New York trip was like a "happily ever after". After two years of obstacles and miscommunication, Trina and Spencer finally express their love for each other. If this were a rom com, they'd roll the credits after the New York trip. But this is not a rom com, this is a soap, the story keeps going.

So now the story is no longer "Does Spencer love Trina?" or "Does Trina love Spencer?" They love each other, that's settled. They're in their "what now?" phase:

Like the classic ending in "The Graduate," there's all this uncertainty between Trina and Spencer. The only certain thing between them is that they love each other. They defeated all these external obstacles but are still dealing with the internal ones. I feel like the current arc for Trina and Spencer as a pairing is rooted in this idea of "is love enough?". For Spencer, that's a quick "yes". He thought everything was settled after New York and that any and all problems would wash away because they love each other.

For Trina, it's more complicated. She's not dreamy like Spencer, she's very grounded and forward thinking. All New York did for Trina was give her the confidence to take the idea of a future with Spencer seriously for the first time and then Spencer sort of screwed that up with his demon spawn spiral.

So I think a lot of this reconciliation era is going to be Spencer eagerly wanting to prove to Trina again that she can count on him because there's damage to her trust in him right now. I also see Spencer possibly clinging to his relationship to Trina more, both because he almost lost her and also as a way to distract him from the demon spawn of it all.

I'm sure we'll get a reaction from the sociopathic mooch as her plan to get Spencer to chase her backfires again thanks to Trina but I really don't give a shit about her redundant ass anymore so 🤷🏿‍♀️.

I'm hoping during this time that in between all the holiday sex, Spencer starts thinking about his own future and who he wants to be beyond Nik's son/Trina's boyfriend. This is what Trina was getting at with the "five year plan" stuff. Her passion makes her naturally excited for the future in a way that Spencer isn't, and that's something they have to sort through.

I do think this all has to culminate in some sort of reunion between Spencer and Nik because Nik looms over all of this and Spencer facing his issues with his father is too significant to his arc to not be dealt with.

But yeah, in general, I think the reconciliation arc is going to be about Spencer trying to prove to Trina that he was serious about them being an "us". The ball is really in his court since we know that Trina has landed on the decision that she won't drown with him on the basis of "true love."

Spencer put Trina back into a "one foot out the door" headspace, thinking those days were over and he could do/say whatever because she admitted she loves him. It's up to him to get her out of self-preservation mode and trusting him again. So for now, I'm thinking tentative holiday-based honeymoon period with the angst over their internal obstacles still looming over things.

[manapotionstudios]

DelaneyPost 05 (ManaPost 12) - The Title Matches The Date

Bonjour tous les gens! Welcome BACK to your #1 ManaPotion Information Station! This week was full of some great developments! From Movement to Monsters! Stay tuned for today's debrief.

Schmoovin!

You May have felt a sort of stiffness in the videos that we share with you all. Controlling The Laney was a little stiff and not super rewarding to control. Well, to remedy this, we've added two brand new moves!

The Swing Recovery

Introducing the Swing Recovery! Simply push the spacebar while Delaney is in her attacking animation to get a burst of speed in the direction of her swing and get 2x movement speed for 1 second. Useful for quickly getting around The Manor, or tossing some lighter enemies all over the grid!

The Launch Recovery

Also introducing the Launch Recovery! If you're skilled enough to keep up with Delaney's ludicrous speed during her launch time, you can hold your control keys in the same direction she is traveling as she ends her launch to get a boost of MORE 2x movement speed for 3 seconds! Really helpful in a pinch!

More General Improvements

We've also added a few "Inertial" mechanics to Delaney's controller. For one, we've added Autotargeting functionality to some hammers. These hammers will make Delaney face your cursor as she swings. Hammers that don't have this functionality will instead use Delaney's current facing angle to give her a push in the right direction!

We've also given Delaney a small bit of velocity towards the cursor while she's spinning her hammer! All of this was thanks to a Major refactor of Delaney's Character Controller script! brought down a third of the size of the last one, and runs way faster! Yeahoo!!!

With the minor improvements out of the way, lets talk about the heavy hitters of this week's post:

Monsters! (Eek!)

Delaney isn't quite right without some monsters to interact with, and this week we finally started on those little critters! We decided to focus on the gimmick monsters first to give you all a taste of the fun movement mechanics you'll be able to play around with!

Pause Ghosts

You've seen these silly spectres before! Although they were in a prototype-y state, they're now complete and looking better than ever! Simply fling Delaney into one of the three variants: Slow, Normal, and Fast! See for yourself what they can do.

Launch Dolls

You haven't seen these stuffed bunnies before! These are Launch Dolls. Swing your hammer and they go flying! As simple as that. They come in two variants; Soft and Hardy. Soft dolls explode to a pile of fluff once they're done launching. Hardy dolls do not explode! You can just keep swinging at them for as long as you please!

These wont be the only monsters, rest assured. We have one more in store that didn't quite finish development on time. You'll see more of him in the next DelaneyPost!

We spent a lot of time prepping for AI during the latter half of this week, so the other half of our work today is quite technical, and we'll leave it up to you to look into A* Pathfinding, the tried and true algorithm we'll be using to base our AI off of.

Thanks for tuning in this weekend! We have some big stuff planned to close out this summer break development period! Keep your eyes peeled, your T's crossed, your I's dotted, and stay on your P's and Q's for next week's DelaneyPost!

Thanks for reading!

C and Y

[passingdaysthings]

10.16.2024 - Finding Another Job

Today is Wednesday.

It's been about a month since I graduated with my M.S, and I have been thinking about a new job more. It's so weird though. I feel accomplished finishing a degree that I was in a field completely new to me, but then.. I feel like I don't know anything. I have a while master's degree, but I also feel like I don't have it. I just learned so much and so little at the same time, and I am not sure how I handle that. I have looked at a job postings, but I can't help feeling unqualified because I am do new to the field. They're also asking me to use like 20 different programs or languages which is kind of crazy. I try to be very logical and tell myself that these job postings are asking for more than what I actually need for the job. I can't imagine listing an entry level job, but asking for multiple languages and program knowledge. I try to tell myself that I will need to be trained again anyways because I would be new either way. It's so funny to think about how cautious and scared I am compared to how I use to be, but it's not surprising since I am not 18 anymore. I have to think much harder about my decision since this is literally going to be my career. I like my job now because it's super convenient, but it's not a career. It's something that is contracted, and it will end. It also has nothing to do with the new career I wanna work on. I just wanna do other research things and more on the data side. Things in my life have kind of worked out for me when I take my time, so I think I should continue to move forward with caution and stop doubting myself.

My plans for the rest of 2024:

Oct: Start looking for a new job slowly or as I see, go see Latto, go to Virginia for volleyball, and go to Texas for Halloween and SVT

Nov: Continue job search, pick up on relearning my data science stuff and make a study plan, go to Jax for Thanksgiving (maybe)

Dec: JOBBBB SEARCHHH, continue learning, and maybe Disney?

I think it's so funny that it's already the end of 2024. I feel like this year just zoomed by me. That's probably because I actually did a lot of things this year between traveling and finishing my masters. I'm pretty sure I blacked out during all my quarters. I was just blacked out and did it. ACTUALLY, that is most like why I feel like I learned so much, but so little at the same time. I was just in and out of consciousness LOL.

On to old business,

I get so annoyed with myself with how much I go back and forth about Taylor and our relationship. I agree with the my from August because I still wanna date someone, and I have still been thinking about downloading a dating app and asking Taylor to help me set it up. BUT. I actually don't want to. I don't want Taylor to be involved in my new relationship at all because that's toxic. I am not gonna stoop that low no matter how much I think about it LOL. I have some pettiness in me, but I don't think I should be that way. I am also consciously and slowly trying to detach myself. I don't message him if he doesn't answer me, I don't usually call first unless I have a reason, I don't think about how much time has passed between our messages, and I don't really ask do to stuff unless I am free. It may not sound like a lot, but for me, it is because we talk all the time and spend time together everyday. I am trying to get use to the long periods of no talking. I think the biggest hard stop is sexting, but it's only been a month which isn't crazy because we'll stop for some time and do it again. I am just making sure I am not the one initiating. I am hope being unbothered by Taylor continues because it's been going well, and I just end up treating him like other guys in my life.

Overall, I feel content right now, and I am trying to be proud of myself even if no one else it. I am the one living my life, and the things I feel are things I will have to deal with. You got this, girly!

-P

[ourotteradventures]

July 2023 to February 2024

It amazes me how fast time is flying, and I realize it more when I come to make posts and do updates about our lives. I know that they say time flies when you're having fun and to a degree I understood that - but for the first time in my life, even during the shitty parts, I find that it is going back exponentially faster than it has before.

We'll start in August 2023 and work our way to the present... I started the academy in July and boy oh boy - did I think I was in purgatory. The military has put me on some pretty shit details and assignments but the worst thing that can happen is time drags on. I am one of those people that I can do anything super shitty for long periods of time to expedite and end the suffering as soon as possible. Which is a great trait...until you are forced to play the waiting game and cannot expedite the process at all.

We had welcomed a new kitten into our little family as well because you kept begging for another cat. Thus, Hades was born. I went to the shelter to find an all black kitten that they said was there, and as I walked in someone had walked out with her. You told me to just check the area and see what other cats were there (I should have known that was the ruse). I walked down the first aisle and this tiny gray kitten rammed his face into the fence, 6-7 months old and named Sushi. I pulled his tag and said that I would spend time with him in the room. We checked out a few of the other all black cats that were there, but they were either too old to be around our current cat or they were meant for a solo home. As soon as we got into the room I sat on the floor and he came right up to play and get some love. You went to the front and well...the rest is history.

Next, my son came back from his dads and we had our first real integration into parenting with him and us and all of the in between. It was a very rough transition period and I felt like I was going to lose everything all at once with how it was going. In time, it has evened out and is significantly improved. I hope one day you see that he does look up to you and just wants to be involved. Sometimes I wish that he was just our kid and that I didn't have to worry about the other individual. Sometimes I wish that I could just smooth everything over and call it then and there. Other times I see it as a growing and learning opportunity for everyone involved, including myself. One day, it'll all be in the past and I'll wished I had savored it more. I already have experienced that and I knew it would happen and that still didn't lessen the blow.

We got you a knew job and you started your own field training. It is insane to think about the sheer ground for growth that we have covered in less than a year for both of ourselves. I'm so proud to say that we are doing this together and that we're setting our future selves up for comfort and success in retirement. Plus, we bought you a new car! You're very first car and loan on your own! That's exciting (and daunting, fuck taxes) :]

After a long six months I finally finished the academy. With all of the drama, sickness, pain, and recovery that I had to endure you guys got to pin my badge. Everyone except for my dad and some of his family canceled on me. That was what I expected from people and I knew better than to get my hopes up, but I had hoped that this time would be where I was proven wrong. I wasn't. It solidified my next steps and what I was going to do moving forward with cutting people out of my life for good and not wasting the time or energy to send a text/call. The days of trying to make people understand how they hurt me are over. They knew what they did when they were doing it and they can stand on that business - I'll stand on mine.

Now we're into the field training phase for me and you've just finished yours. First grade is coming to a close here soon and then we'll take our first real vacation that we have planned. It's also the first vacation I have taken in 12 years and I think that I have earned this. I will get to meet some of your family and I will get to see where you grew up. This is huge for me, but it's even bigger for you.

When we first started dating you were huge on the "not letting pieces of your life mix". I know that you want to keep things separate and unblended which is fine. Anything that is done is something I wish for you to do in your own time when you feel comfortable. We'll get to roadtrip and spend time seeing different states that I haven't been to before. I'm close to halfway of seeing the United States in total and this is going to be amazing. I'm daydreaming and planning it little by little when I'm feeling down.

To top it all off, you've mentioned or your mom has mentioned marriage. Which, does scare me a bit (not because of you) just because of the sheer amount of paperwork that comes with it. I also don't ever want to feel like I am trapping you into something you don't want. I want to watch you pursue your goals and dreams and cheer you on like you've done for me. Some of it will be harder for you and some portions will be harder for me, but I am determined to work it out for the both of us.

There is something special about you and I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I do love it. There is this feeling; like driving in the late summer/early fall, in the early morning with the sunrise, windows down, a light breeze, and listeining to classic country on backroads. That's one of the ways that I would describe how you make me feel. The way that you find a new song that you fall in love with and just keep listening to trying to chase the initial feeling it brought you...but I never lost that first feeling of hearing the song. You're an absolute treasure and I know that there are certain things that you want to change and improve for me. I adore that and it's admirible, but I made it a point in this relationship that I would not fall in love with potential (or ever again). I make it a point to not let my insecurities or past trauma creep in and ruin what I have and create a cognitive bias wormhole. I want to grow old with you and have a house in the middle of nowhere and homestead.

Who knew that wanting to bake homemade sourdough bread was the gateway to going off the grid?... I feel like that should be a study. Every day that I wake up and I don't want to do life or keep pushing I think about you and how you've made everything so wonderful - even the bad parts where you had no control in it. I'm so glad that I got to meet you and that this relationship has become what it is. I'm also stoked to see what it becomes in the next decade. When I meet your family we'll have been together for almost 2 years. We'll have known each other for 2 years.

You are singlehandly taking on such a huge task with me and I don't mean that in a pick-me type energy light. When I am having a medical episode one of the first things that I think of is you to bring comfort and solice to me in that moment. I also think about how this is going to impact your life and going forward, if it gets worse, what I will do to ease that burden on you. I didn't ever see any of this happening, but I most certainly did not see me having what appears to be partial seizures from severe head trauma and memory loss on the bingo card. That is terrifying in so many ways and I am terrified for you and my son. I'm terrified for anyone who is personally invested in me and my wellbeing for how this will go. It can induce a panic attack and a spiral, but the thing that stops that from happening is how softly you've said "We'll figure this out. We'll make this work. We're in this together." and you just stumbled into this.... that's so crazy for me and I think it is one of the first times of my life that I've been this raw with anyone for such an extended and indepth part of serious matters - and I've never had this kind of support. It makes me so happy that I cry from time to time. I finally feel loved and safe. It took a lot of struggling and suffering with the wrong people, but I found you.

[iamthecomet]

Finally answering now

Hoot :D

It is absolutely fine, stuff can get lost in the drafts (this is such a thing that would happen to me istg)

Due to a few legal issues it took a while but I finally started the new meds this morning (this means I’ll be taking half of the dose for 5-10 days and then switch to the regular dose)

Luckily, it‘s super Rainy and rather cold since yesterday, because heat isn‘t very nice on my body and makes the general dizziness worse (which would then get enhanced by the meds during the adjustment period)

Thank you. I‘m honestly super thankful that I have friends like that. In like two weeks, my mother will be away for a whole week again (which was the gigantic problem a few weeks ago already. We found a solution for that back then)

This time it seems like she’ll actually let me stay home alone if I‘ll stay over at friend‘s places for like at least 2-3 nights (I’ve proven repeatedly that I can take care of myself for a few days and I actually seem to do better when I’m alone (only when it‘s not permanently but for one or two nights))

I‘m actually really excited for that, cause I have one sleepover (well it‘s more or less a sleep over if I sleep at a friend‘s place, eh?) planned already and I know that we‘ll finally finish watching season 2 of the Witcher. (And possibly she and the other friend we started watching it with will actually stay with me the night after that and we might start season 3 which was recently released? (Is released the right word? Oh god, ESL struggles)

About the cane: I‘ve started to feel more and more unstable and much more unsafe from day to day and every slightly bigger bit I have to walk (to the point that I need to take a short break when walking up the stairs to our apartment (and we live on the 3rd floor, so it‘s really not that high))

I do have a general doctors appointment scheduled for December, but it feels like that will take forever. And I’ll have to go there again sooner because they need to test my blood, but that‘ll be in the end of September and there probably won‘t be a doctor.

So we decided that my mother, stepdad and I will buy a cane (without prescription, so we‘ll have to pay fully for it). It‘ll be like 40-50€, which apparently is like 45-55$, but we decided that it‘s worth it to keep me at least a little more independent

We‘re planning on buying it on Thursday. Tomorrow, I’ll have one of my regular appointments, for which I’ll have to walk quite a bit (to get there). So I’m pretty scared of that, but I also know that I’ll just have to make it that day and then I‘ll most likely finally get something to help make me feel a little more stable

(It’s getting long again, whoop-)

Things sadly aren‘t going as well anymore. I’ve been feeling really terrible yesterday and the day before yesterday. Somehow today was quite a bit better and I also finally had a bit of contact with my partner again, which was awesome (we’re long distance and I struggle to text people, especially when I feel worse)

TW mental health

I had to fight against like suicidal thoughts and thoughts about relapsing (I have a bit of a history with self harm) again, which had been less intense for quite a while but sadly came back.

Luckily, today was better with that as well (at least so far), and I got to loose myself a little more in my interests again which is an awesome distraction

And I also managed to not only go to a grocery store that requires me to take a bus and a streetcar (and also walk), but I also went and got some bread for lunch in the grocery store that is not even two minutes away (going outside is something I struggle with, as well as grocery stores and ofc walking, so I think that‘s some pretty great success)

How have you been? Is the post really-great-stuff depression at least a bit better?

~ @owlishanon

Getting to this finally (I've already read your update, so I'll answer that one shortly too ♥. Trying to get caught up on my asks/requests FINALLY. We'll see how many I actually have energy for). It's been a couple days and I hope your new meds are treating you alright. I know the adjustment period could be nasty, but I'm hoping it goes easy on you, you deserve it. Your week alone (sort of) sounds like it will be great. You'll get to spend time with your friends, and some time to yourself (which can sometimes be really great). And just knowing that you've got fun stuff to look forward to while she's away is great. I'm sorry that you've had some bad mental health days, but I'm glad that you're pushing through it and still taking care of yourself. You can always DM me if you need someone to vent to if/when you're going through it <3. Going to the grocery stores, and getting stuff done is great. Even when it's just errands it feels good to get out of the house and accomplish something when you're feeling down. It's like a little reminder that you can do this. I've been alright. My mental health is not where it should be but I'm taking it easy and doing what I can and being nice to myself. My partner is off work next week and we're just staying around here instead of traveling so I'm hoping that we can do some fun stuff together (which, despite living together we do not get to do often because working and renovating a house takes up a lot of time).